CL Stories – A New Year's Eve Prayer [Chapter 26]

Dear God,

We Thank you for the fruitful year of 2010.
You have given us different opportunities and blessing
You Kept our families and friends safe and guided us through the year
May we find it in our hearts to forgive all those who have wronged us

May the people that we have unintentionally caused harm to forgive us as well
2010 was indeed a wonderful year full of surprises, joys, sorrows, trials and happiness
but we wouldn't have made it through without your guidance and your love
As the year comes to an end another one begins

We humbly ask you to continue to guide us and shower us with your blessings
Let us meet new people in the coming year and let us all share your love
Give us endless opportunities to grow and learn and be the supreme being we can be
Keep us humble as we achieve and receive more blessings in the coming year

To my friends, families, enemies and Loved one, Oh Dear God Help us start the year right
Forgive, Guide, Love and Enjoy the company of each for another 365 days
Forget all the pain and sorrow and let happiness and joy reign in our hearts
We as your children, say all of this through Christ our Lord.

AMEN...

CL Stories – A Perfect Life [Chapter 25]

Our lives will never be perfect. The only way we enjoy our imperfect lives is if we embrace those imperfections and make the most out of them. You'll never have everything but you can certainly make the best out of everything you already have. Always remember that it's not the things that you have that will make you happy. Happiness will always be choice no matter what happens. You feel it and you can choose to entertain it or just simply ignore it. You handle and control your life. It's up to you if you want to be influenced by the world around you or not. To follow the norms or simply stand out of the crowd. Life is a series of choices and every choice we make gives us a lesson. But beware it will still be a choice to learn from that lesson or simply ignore them. Every decision we make will create ripples and series of events. These series of events will then help in molding our very character and personality. Once this personality is developed, it will represent us in our society and we will surely get the attention of the people in a bad or a good way. Life is simple and easy to live. It is us who make it complicated and worse. Some people will have their own reason why they want their life complicated. But if you still see them happy given the situation, then you'll know that they've been learning their lesson from life. They have learn to accept the fact that they simply have to accept what is given to them and be happy and contented with it. Things always happen for a reason but nevertheless they will always give you a lesson in the end. May it be a positive or negative experience life will always be a fair teacher. Life may give you the tests firsts but the lesson after it will be worth it. Just like the famous story of "coffee" where the cup that holds the coffee is like out standing in life. Having a good paying job, your dream house your dream car and even your dream guy or girl. These things will never affect the quality of life we live. Same as how the cup that holds the coffee never spoils nor add quality to it. It is how you go through life and how you treat the people that comes and goes in it. You may have everything in the world and even share it with everyone else, but if you still act inappropriately  towards other people it will still show how you haven't learned from life's lessons. Always remember that it's not only you living your life out there. Everyone is struggling, others are even fighting, trying to stay alive just to live out their lives. Because they know it will always be worth it in the end. No matter how good or miserable your life is right now. There will always be a spark of hope and the dawn of a new day. It is up to us to establish our belief that life will be better. It is up to us to grab that chance whenever it's there. To hold and protect that single candle that gives warmth and light to our darkest days. The candle that can only be found inside our ever growing hearts. It is a good sign that others are willing to share the light and warmth of the candles in their heart. It only shows that they know what you are going through and they want to help you out by lighting your own candle with theirs. Don't let pride get the best of you. If you need help of other people then be willing to accept it. It may show your weakness but at the same time it will show your strength in overcoming your pride. It is never too late to learn the lessons of life. Life will never stop teaching you things you should know. Life will never loose its patience nor its composure when it is teaching you the best and worst possible lessons. So just open your mind and absorb what life has to offer. Once you have a solid grasp of life's hard but meaningful lessons. That will be the time that you cherish it as a part of your whole being, character and personality and you will come to accept the fact that Life is indeed PERFECT.

"The only time that our Lives can be perfect is if we stop resenting what life keeps giving."

CL Stories – A Subtle Obsession [Chapter 24]

I guess first impressions do really last if you want them to. This day has been busy since it was my first day of training a day after my interview with the company's management. I do have some friends over at another department and they keep telling me how the operations manager and assistant general manager was impressed with me. I guess it helps when you stop overdoing things and just be yourself. When the operations manager started the interview he told me that there's no hierarchy at the time that were doing the interview so I should feel free to say what I want to say and treat him as a friend. I guess that helped me to relax a bit and stop pressuring myself to land the job. It's true that when you are overwhelmed with your emotions about stuff you can make more mistakes. Being composed, relaxed, calm and objective about things is what you need to be in times of great distress and turmoil. Being jobless for months has been taxing and well pretty much a waste of time. Though I never regret the experiences and the times I shared with my friends and loved ones at those very moments. You really feel the love of the people around you when you got nothing and still they stick with you. It gives more meaning to camaraderie and companionship. That's why I never want to be put in a situation where I have to choose between my friends and my love one. It will always be a decision at which I don't ever want to make. I treat my friends as family as well, so that's like making me choose between my brothers or sisters and my love. It's something I know well within myself that I can't live without. Living my life for the past twenty two years has been all about loving. Loving my family, the way I suit myself up, the way I act towards other people, the food, the drinks, the good, bad and worse times, the ones I love, loved and will be loving. I love to love. There's too much love to give so why not just smother everyone with it. Be thankful for those who'll take it and appreciate it. For those who wont appreciate it leave them alone. They have their own reasons and you know very well that we can't please everybody. I'm not quite sure if it actually makes sense that you are "In love with Love itself" but I think that is what I've been into these past few years. Being so overwhelmed with the feeling of love does have it's own pros and cons. That's why I have decided to change my ways recently and make it "a subtle obsession" I still like the feeling and will do things for me to keep feeling it, but I will have to keep myself on the ground and stop myself from being swept away too much. It's not suppose to be the whole meal in life instead it should be an ingredient that keeps life tasty and full of flavors. Being out of the virtual world for the rest of the day gives me this sudden urge to burst out words that I know may or may not make sense at all. Babble random stuffs that people might already know and may simple ignore this piece of crap. But hey I'm still proud of myself not everyone will make and effort to jot down random thoughts that pop into their head. They are underestimating the most powerful substance in the world. The human mind. Who knows that maybe one day I bang my head on a wall because of a perfectly well diagnosed insanity and loose all my memory. This might help me recover my memories and help me go back to who I really was, but then again I might fall into the same pattern of banging my head on the wall (yeah I was trying to be funny a bit back there haha!). But still it might be helpful not only to me but others as well. You never really know when someone is actually moved and influenced by the way you think. That is how powerful the human psyche is! 

"Obsession is the highest level & form of missing a person. It can induce both fear & amazement."

CL Stories – Faint Memories [Chapter 23]

Holiday season is still around the corner. Christmas just passed and a new Year is about to start. All the parties, endless buffet dinners and insatiable hunger for anything alcoholic (Yeah guilty as hell right there! haha!) have now come to a slow pace only to regain speed as the new year approaches. I'm looking forward to all the colorful fireworks and cheerful but loud noises in the streets. That is how new year is usually celebrated back where I was born. As the year ends all of us try to recall what has transpired the whole year round. We embrace the fact that another year has passed and it's time to let go of all the failures and mistakes that we did and hold onto the faint but good memories of the past. It is now time to set the bar higher as a lot of things are at stake. Human beings will always have this insatiable hunger for consistent improvement of themselves. May it be career wise, or maybe about love or about your family. Re-evaluation of self esteem, ego and personality is a must. Results of this self evaluation may prove to be useful in the coming year. Let us all give ourselves a round of applause because once again we survive one full year. We have HIM to thank for all the blessings HE gave us. So I'll stop myself on this blog since I am really really sleepy by now (As if an additional 2 hours sleep earlier didn't do the trick). Till next time peeps. Thank YOU.

"Celebrate the new year with a new life and less enemies and lots of love. A year started right will always end right."

CL Stories – A Cruel Kindness [Chapter 22]

I have been with you for the last two days and it has been the happiest days of the holiday season. I never thought that I'd actually go that far for you. Aside from all the things we have talked about recently and how we are doing good so far with what we have. But then again reality strikes and back stabs me at the worst possible time. How is it that life can give you full of hope and and promises and yet shatters it right in front if you. I already know that life isn't fair so we can all stop wasting time in convincing me that it is. I hate the fact that it is my choice. A choice I made because I want to be happy. Don't get me wrong I am happy. I'm just in those state where paranoia sets in like a snake's venom through my veins. If I don't do something quick it'll definitely consume me inside out. It's like the dark clouds up in the skies, you already know that if it doesn't clear out soon  rain will be coming. Like doubt that if not confirmed or cleared up starts to consume all the good things left in you. So having said all that I have decided to die another day. I need to shutdown my system and quarantine myself from all the doubts that's in my head. I know in myself that if I don't do this I'll fall back into that self destructive pattern and I might lose myself again and be taken over by my emotions. I also know that If that happens all the good stuff that we had might be lost and I don't want to risk losing them because they're my only hope for a happiness as of now. I've decided to cut off myself from the world again just for a few days until all my doubts are cleared. I've been stopping myself for the last twenty hours in trying to get any form of contact with you or anyone else for that matter. But I guess it's inevitable. I've been staring at your facebook and twitter profile for hours and well I decided to blog myself out till I run out of damn words to say. I've got a lot in my mind right now that I want to say to you and I guess the only way I can organize them is by writing it down, or rather typing them in here. I've already started stating how I feel so I guess that's a good start. Now let's move on to the more pressing concerns and what has been disturbing me this whole time. The last two days was paradise on earth for me. I mean I know we constantly see each other but then again the things we've talked about while we were together are different. We talked about stuff we usually find too sensitive to discuss before and well I guess it comes from our innate understanding of the situation that we are in, that's why we decided to tackle them. Everything is going well and until your phone rings and guess who it is. Yeah it's HIM. So you move away from me and discuss things on the phone privately. He has called I think four times in the last two days that we were together and it's been bugging me since the first day. I've been with you before and well he doesn't normally call unless its really important (this is just a wild guess). So I've had this bad vibes that he might be onto us. He may be feeling that something is off or something is wrong because I'm getting the same feeling. My instincts are giving me a suggestion that He might already know about us. But then again I could be wrong. I hope you don't take this negatively that I stayed away from you and everyone else for at least two days. I need it so I can prepare myself for the worse that might come. You know that I'm always happy to be with you,  if only I could be beside you all the time I would. Just to be safe for both your sake and mine I've decided to stay away for a couple of days. I love you and I don't want you to lose everything because of me. Though you already know that once you do, you know you can always run to me. I know who you are and you're not perfect and I guess that's the best thing about it. I love you for who you are and there's probably nothing that you can do to stop me because I already know everything. I still have one more day to endure and I know I'll see you again. I'm hoping that I'll be back to my old self when I see you tomorrow again.

"You are Cruel because you can say that You Love me knowing that You also love someone else, but you are Kind enough to show and make me feel like you Love nobody else..."

CL Stories – Preordained Love [Chapter 21]

Another day in front of the computer and I'm about to mumble another bunch of nonsense. I've just finished watching the Junjou Romantica series and well, all I could say was "Wow!". You get that heart warming feeling when you are able to finish a comedy-drama series where each of the characters comes to a climax and at the  still managed to get that "Happily ever after" ending. It's a story about a college student and a novelist who fell in love with in each other. Love chooses no one, same or different gender, close or far age gaps. A series of finding out how love is formed and how love makes you feel when it's taken away from you. As all people say love comes as a package with all the pain, suffering, worries and doubts. You might be asking why does it need to come with all those negative side dished. Here's one simple answer. It gives you HAPPINESS in return that's why it will always be worth it. Watching that series made me come back to my original roots and knock some sense into me that everything is happening for a reason, and I mean EVERYTHING. All the good and the bad scenes are lined up to make a good ending not only in the series but think about our lives as well. I can relate to a lot of the scenes from this series that's why I decided to write about it. I could compare myself to the pure-hearted romanticist and novelist Akihiko (but without all the wealth and fame that is... haha!) who at the start of the series was faced with the most heartbreaking situation of his life. He has been in love with his best friend Takahiro, and now his best friend decides to get married. Takahiro's younger brother Misaki feels for Akihiko so he cries right in front of him. Akihiko appreciates his tears and well decides to make him stop crying by kissing and hugging him and that's how their story started. Oh well hope you guys watch it so you can follow their inspiring and funny story.

"No matter how strongly you feel in your heart, if you don't convey it to the other person it's meaningless"

CL Stories – Rebirthing [Chapter 20]

It's been a long time since I've last posted here. It only means that I have been busy with some things that's why I seldom write. I'm back to my old life, my ex has moved out a couple of days ago and I'm actually enjoying my time alone in the room, aside from my favorite housemates daily visit everything seems to be doing well. I'm able to focus more on my job hunting, I'm able to invite any guests I want without worrying that someone might get hurt, and I'm able to do anything I want in the room (Yeah that includes the things inside that little black book. haha!). Pretty much everything returned to normal before I met him. I've met a new friend when he moved out and guess what? He's so much like me. I mean we've only seen each other a couple of times and before we actually saw each other we we're already best "budz". I guess my reputation of being friendly and trustworthy with secrets still surpasses my own expectations. I guess having met a lot of people has already made me an expert in figuring out someone. It took me two days to get him to open up everything about him and I'm actually glad that he trusts me. I've found another best friend in my life. Though I already have one but she's a girl and well it's definitely good if you have the best of both sexes (of course there are some things which you can only discuss with a girl and things you can discuss with a guy). I'm happy to have him around because we jive in so much in a lot of things. Maybe one factor is that we are both born under the same sign (both Chinese zodiac and Western Zodiac). A  combination of both east and west signs which is Dragon - Taurus pair. We we're born same year and different months. but the difference in days is just a small gap that's why we still are under the same Western Zodiac. Since we feel like we've known each other for so long we have decided to keep our friendship as close as we can. I mean he can better understand my own personality since we actually have a lot in common. I'm hoping that our brotherhood will last a long way. Anyway going back on track with my love life, everything is back to normal. Though I was really paranoid with my cherished one coming back from vacation, a lot of things are much clearer now. Like I've said, this might be the time where I have to be contented with what he can give me in return. We still haven't labeled the kind of relationship we have but I guess I'll just stick to the saying that I posted a while back. All I know is I'm happy with him and with what we have right now. I still get that excited feeling when I'm about to see him. My heart still jumps around whenever I hear his voice on the phone and My day just seem bright and perfect just by knowing that he loves me. I wish he feels the same. He recently visited me here at my home and in my room. For the first time we slept together at night and when I woke up I actually like the feeling that the first face I see before my day starts is his. It may be shallow but that's the truth. Simple things like these is what makes me happy. I'd rather prepare coffee for us than treat him out at Starbucks. I'd rather cook food that he likes instead of bringing him at a restaurant. I'd rather watch old movies and films with him at home than in those big screens. My happiness is just really shallow. You don't need to do big things for me to make me happy. It's those sweet little details which will always matter to make the big picture worth it. Oh well as far as I can see I'm still in love with you, Yes you. You know who you are.

"Labels are for those people who fear the unknown"

CL Stories – Cross Roads [Chapter 19]

I'm happy that we got to meet each other again. I still can't believe that I actually survived that last month without you. I understand why your energy is still below average, you must be tired from the trip and also the fact that your back here to work your ass off. But hey no worries I'm here to keep you feel loved. I actually thought that our feelings would change after you got back. But I guess when we love someone it really doesn't go away that easy. I was scared to act the way we used to before you went on vacation because I don't know what you might think. I'm scared that you might not feel the same way as before. But I know you are honest enough to tell the truth if that's the case. I missed those times when we will just sit and watch TV shows or movies in your place and I want to to them again! With the occasional kissing and cuddling in between. I wanted to stay longer but I know you needed your rest so I decided to call it a night since I also have my interview tomorrow. You don't know how much you made me happy. I hope I made you feel the same way. It's like I'm falling in love all over again with you. I get that feeling of mixed emotions when I'm with you. 

"Telling a person "I love you" is all good, but when you tell a person "I'm in love with you" then it gets deeper than that."

CL Stories – A Drizzle of Blessings [Chapter 18]

Feeling much better after a day of paranoia. I've finally convinced myself that you might just be busy or not in a situation where we can actually communicate with each other. I have good news but I don't wanna spill it just yet. Seems to me that my prayers and your prayers for me are being answered. Thanks to everyone and specially you. Like I've said before nobody else brings out the best in me except you. I've striven harder compared before. I can't wait to see you in a few days. I've missed you so much and I hope you feel the same way. I couldn't believe I've survived a month without you. I guess all I need to think of is we'll see each other one way or another. That you're having a good time there and I should do the same here. Once you're back here everything will be much better because all the things are going the right way. I know you have enjoyed your vacation and I hope you don't forget to bring me something (yeah you promised to bring me something which is your favorite food as well. Hahaha! Food again, I think it's about time both of us go on a diet and start working out). Oh well I miss you so much and I'm really looking forward to seeing you. God gave me a blessing and through that blessing my prayers where answered. God gave me YOU. 

"The smallest of things often has the highest value. Value the smallest things first before you seek for the bigger ones."

CL Stories – Angel's tears [Chapter 17]

It's been a long time since I wrote another blog and well. The day that I've been anticipating for has come. I've never felt so scared in my life and I know I should be able to handle this, because when we started out I know sooner or later you might loose interest. I don't want to be assuming and I'm still looking forward to the positive things. I don't know if I'm just in a state of paranoia or maybe I'm just having a hard time reading and predicting your emotions and actions. It's going to be a few days before we meet each other again and surviving this month without you has been hard. I don't know if you still feel the same way for me when you come back. Like I've said before I know there are three possible things that would happen when you come back. One is you come back and decide to be with me, two is you come back and we continue what we have without any labels, and last and worse part is, you come back decided to cut off any remaining connection with me. I feel so scared that chills come down my spine and goosebumps come off from my skin because I'm starting to think that it would be the last part. Once again the only happiness that I have will be simply taken away from me, but I guess I'm the only one to blame. I hope I'm wrong in all these. Wrong that you will cut off your remaining connection from me, wrong that the bond we shared for a short time is just going to end that way. I hope I'm just paranoid and that everything will turn out fine when you come back. I wish I can let you feel how much I miss you. Writing these blogs might not be enough but they're my only source of strength. They give me the courage to say to you what I can't as of the moment. They are able to clearly organize my thoughts and it makes my message clearer. But whatever happens I'm glad I met you and I still am. I know there's this goodness in your heart that will be unmatched by any other. Because at the times I needed to be happy you were there. You never failed to make me smile amidst my tears, you never failed to make me laugh amidst my sorrow. I know I'll never find someone else like you. That's why I'm willing to risk everything I have and I'm willing to wait as long as I can just so we can be together. This might be a trial for me and I will surpass this with you in my mind and heart. You bring out the best in me and there's nobody else who can do that. I love you and everyone knows that and you feel it too. What ever happens I will never stop loving you. See you soon. 

"Love is like war, It takes sacrifice but it is worth dealing with..."

CL Stories – Blissful Winter [Chapter 16]

Winter is finally setting in and I can feel the cold winter wind deep under my skin. Its even colder since you're not around yet but I guess I won't have to wait long. Excitement is just around the corner for me since once the Eid Holidays are finished I just have to count seven days. I might also be able to land the job that I applied for last week once Eid is finished so that's one less worry for me and for us (Yeah it's payback time! It's about time I treat you out. Haha!). I hope the hard copies of the blog made you happy even though I know you've already read it online before you received it (Yeah what a bummer I spoiled my own surprise because of my own excitement. I now officially hate myself in that part. haha!). The famous chicken adobo was sealed inside the other baggage which they sent by air cargo (I know they we're actually against taking that with them since you can get chicken adobo there but I guess they do understand the value of that simple dish for me.). So by the time it reaches you it will be totally mouthwatering since it does taste better when its a few days old. Haha! It's good that the three of you are back together and I hope you guys settle any remaining misunderstandings. So that when you come back from vacation everything might not be back to normal but at least it would be in a much better state than before. I still don't have any plans on the coming Eid holidays but I guess I'll be spending it equally with friends and family. Things here in the house have started to lighten up a bit. Though one of the housemates have already decided to move out at the end of this month. So hopefully if I'm able to land a better job after Eid, everything will go according to plan and I'll be able to help more financially here at home starting by the end of December. It will be the best start of 2011 for me if all those happens. So I'll just keep on praying and keep the faith. People in the house just finished watching Manny's fight and I actually saw the 8th round and from there I knew he was going to win. Margarito's face couldn't have swollen any bigger Haha!. That's another good news for the country. I have another avid fan of this blog whom I know will be reading this together with you any moment haha. He labeled my blog "Insanely romantic" and I guess I like it! Haha! Though I know I'm totally sane but the romantic part is something I really am. Oh well that's about it. I just wanted to update you on what's happening while your gone. It's about time we I take a break from the cheesy moments and just be plain and casual. Hope to see you soon. I'm still missing you like crazy you know but I guess it's starting to get overrated so I decided to write a plain article about me. Don't worry it doesn't mean that I'll stop being cheesy and romantic haha! I know you hate it and at the same time you love it.

"We have roots that grows towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms falls from our branches we will soon find that we were one tree and not two"

CL Stories – Unleash [Chapter 15]

 After my artificial disappearance in the world for two days I felt like I’ve been rehabilitated. All the insecurities and all the ill-feeling faded in those two days. I guess I just needed to be separated from it to realize I still have what it takes to make the change. Like they always say “It’s never too late”. Now that I’m feeling much better, come to think of it, I didn’t take time to look at the bigger picture. Our situation is a big change for me and I took that road knowing that there’ll be consequences, but I know it’ll be worth it along the way. The last five years I can admit to myself that I have not worked hard for everything. Especially when we talk about relationships, I’ve been interested in a lot of people and it doesn’t take long before they’re mine. The longest it will take before we commit to each other and announce our label as COUPLE is a month. I’m not being overconfident but you know as well that when I love someone I give everything. That could be one reason why it doesn’t take long. But I guess with our situation I’m just more challenged and I guess for the first time I have to think out of the box and heighten my senses. I have to stop increasing my limits and boundaries but I have to remove them. Be a free spirit among the captives and be the sun instead of the stars. There is something in you that don’t make me push my limits but rather you take them away. It’s like opening the cage of birds. Letting the fishes swim in the rivers or sea instead of holding them captive in a water tank. There’s something in you that brings out not only the best qualities I have but the most amazing ones. So having said all that I do realize that I may or may not have you as my official partner in the label COUPLE, but who the hell cares? “Labels are for those who fear the unknown.” I am more than willing to face that unknown as long as you are by my side. Other people may think what they like about us, but the fact is we know the truth about ourselves. We know who we will stand up for and who we really love. We don’t need to announce it in front of other people. Besides where’s the thrill in that right? Let people think and see what we project to them. Let us create our own world where only the two of us exists and that no one else needs to know. A world where we can be what we want to be, a world where we can be together forever, a world where no one will judge us. Though I hope that as time goes by you notice and acknowledge where your heart is really happy, where your heart soars, where your heart truly belongs…

And I hope in time it is… With me…

CL Stories – Lost and Found [Chapter 14]

There will always be a point in one’s life where it comes to the realization point, a point where the biggest decision will be and has to be made. Certain consequences wait at the path of each decision. We can see the obstacles for each decision we make so it’s up to us which risk we are willing to take. Are you brave enough to traverse the long, winding and rocky road to success or are you going to go for the safe and sound journey to your life. Like one of my friends told me, “Every moment is a moment of choice…” this sank deeply to me and became an idea implanted in my head (yeah like the recent movie Inception). There is no one else in this world who can manipulate us better than ourselves. There are words like ignore, priorities and pride. We can ignore or set aside stuff so that we can focus more on our goals. We are given the minds to think and set our priorities and aspirations. We are given just the right amount of pride so that we can be confident enough to pursue our dreams. These are essential things we must remember to consider when making decisions. It has been a tough time for me lately since I’ve been noticing that a lot of people are starting to achieve what they have aimed for. That’s why I decided to cut myself from the world and just be alone for at least a day. It actually helps ease all the ill-feeling inside of me. It’s like an act where the phoenix dies, becomes an ash and after some time it is reborn with its bright fiery wings ready to burn and outshine all other creatures again. All of us have this comfort zone within ourselves where we tend to go back to if in case we get too lost along the decision we have made and when it gets too scary as well. It is different from person to person. Someone might prefer to be alone like me, others like to be with the usual crowd they’ve been in and others might want get drunk and party like hell while some like it to be a more serene and tranquil kind of setting. Sometimes being alone is all we need to be able to think, focus and re-arrange our priorities in life. When people are around we tend to care and consider their thoughts and opinions especially if they are our friends and families. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t but these are just things which are better if we realize them on our own. Once we are back on track we should start rebuilding what we have lost along the way. We start again slowly but surely. We’re not taking a giant leap of faith towards the unknown but instead taking small sure steps. It’s also good if a certain someone is there to help you do things their way. Who will simply watch you while you’re doing it and just help you get up if you fall down rather than help you in all aspects. An inspiration is what they might call it. Someone who can be a light in your darkest hour, a drop of rain in your drought, and your brightest sunshine after a storm. Guess what? That’s what you are to me.

CL Stories – Wish You were Here [Chapter 13]

So here I am again telling stories of my life since I’m too bored with it. I know me and bff has a scheduled training for an upcoming event so we decided that we will not get drunk last Thursday. Unfortunately bff couldn’t resist the temptation so I gave in as well. We drank Thursday night with the gang and well I’ve set my mind that I can’t get drunk since we both have jobs the next morning. Bff’s boytoy came along so they left a bit earlier than expected. I asked bff if she was still going to the training and she said yes. Surprisingly the drinking session lasted till five in the morning and surprisingly I was not drunk, not at all. So me and bro got home by six and I still got an hour to spare. So I first heated some water for my coffee, sent my CV’s to 2 e-mails which was given to me early Thursday while I was scavenging for work, and took a shower. I finished preparing around quarter to seven and left. I arrived at the assembly point exactly seven o’clock. Two bus we’re waiting filled with people who will undergo the training as well. Bff arrived 10 minutes after me and we seated together. Since the training ground is still a bit far we decided to take a power nap inside the bus. After a grueling one hour of sleeping in the most uncomfortable position for me (yeah I can’t really sleep while sitting… but I guess it can’t be helped). We arrived at the training grounds and we were briefed about the job and place of the event. Training commenced from nine am till one pm in the afternoon. Bff and I planned to take lunch and have coffee after just to chill out and talk about stuff. Plan went on smoothly and my ex wanted to have coffee as well so we told him he can follow us at the café. Before my ex came we were actually talking about you (yeah you know who you are my little one. Haha!), like how much I missed you and what plans I have when you come back. So after the long conversation about all things under the sun me and bff decided to go home (yeah both of us were like drained of all the energy that’s within us). So while walking to the area where Cabs Park, both of them was like talking about their career and stuff. It suddenly hit me. I asked myself, “What have I achieved in this life so far?” I stayed quiet till I got a cab. My whole body which was already starting to feel the strain because of being deprived of sleep suddenly felt number, my chest suddenly felt heavier and next thing I knew I was crying. Crying because I couldn’t give any answer to my question earlier. I couldn’t stop it. When I got home it got worse. I was unpacking my stuff and when I pulled out one of my clothes the one and only rosary I had in my life popped out. Could this be a sign? I changed to my pajamas and shirt, sat on the bed and held to the rosary. My heart suddenly pounded harder and I cried harder. I couldn’t help it anymore, how much I pity myself and my current situation. I decided to cut off myself from the world for the meantime so I deactivated one of my major social networking site. I cried myself to sleep while hugging the pillow with your shirt on (oh I washed it already btw. Haha. I don’t think it’s still hygienic to let it stay on the pillow for the third week so I washed it last week). All I could say at this kind of times are “Wish you were here” because I know that I can always hug you and kiss you and when you tell me things will be fine I know they will be. You give me the feeling of being safe amidst all the turmoil and chaos of my mind. I miss you and I love you.

CL Stories – Hallows Eve [Chapter 12]

As I am soon to finish on my project, excitement and thrills kick in. Plus the fact that you’re return is moving near and I’m starting to finally get some good job offers. Everything seems to be moving at its own pace at the right path. Though there have been some issues around the house and stress is starting to get the best of me, I simply think of you and well they just seem to vanish. By the time you read this I’m sure you already know the project I was working on. I’ve been studying Nihongo lately, downloaded a Japanese dictionary on my phone so that whenever I feel turning Japanese I’ll have a ready vocabulary. I know you’ve studied basic Nihongo as well so I know you can relate. Who knows? Japan might one of my destinations sooner or later haha. I’ve wanted to watch compilations of horror movies since Halloween but since you’re not here I decided not to. You know me, they scare the shit out of me specially when I watch them in dark and cold places. Even without the effects of coffee they still make me twitch on my seat. I’d love to watch them when I’m with you. Why? Because you add a little more thrill to the movies hahaha! I know that when something is about to sprout from the screen you’ll try and scare me more. I’ll be collecting the Saw movies (1 – 6) and The ring, The grudge, The eye and we’ll sit down and have a movie marathon together. I want to scare the hell out of myself when I’m with you because I know later on you’ll be there to comfort me and make me realize that it’s just a movie. I really do have this feeling that when I watch those horror movies they tend to replay in my dreams. The only difference is that I am the one in the movie. It kind of makes a psychological impact on my brain. I’d usually sleep with lights on right after I watch them, or I simply watch porn (Yeah a little over sharing on that part haha!)  to get my mind off the eerie feeling. I’m looking forward to the day you come back from your vacation, overweight, tired, and packed with goodies! Haha! (Hoping that you won’t forget mine!) What’s important is you enjoyed it. I know you’ll have a lot of story to tell when you come back and my ears are ready to listen. It would be better off with a bottle of liquor, maybe a nice cup of hot coffee or tea, or maybe eating your favorite Adobo (you just can’t get enough? Haha!). I’m thinking of cooking something else for you but since you are allergic to crustaceans I’m limited to cooking beef and chicken cuisines (Talk about a chef wanna be haha!). I still have a few weeks to land a job so that when you come back I’ll be the one to treat you out! I miss chillin out with you. But of all the things I’m missing… It’s US being together… See yah soon…

CL Stories – Dreamy [Chapter 11]

It’s been a week now since you left and I’m actually doing well. Don’t get me wrong I still miss you really bad but I guess BFF and the other guys are keeping me busy. I don’t know if you realize how much I miss and love you. I hope you can feel it even though I can’t constantly call you or talk to you. I’m thinking of washing your GAP shirt, but then again I really like the smell so I might keep it for one more week. I don’t really know what you’ve done to me but I’ve been hallucinating lately. I mean I keep seeing your sweet face whenever I close my eyes even in broad daylight. I bite my lips to try and check whether I’m dreaming or not. After biting my lips another flashback starts, your soft lips which still seem sweet even though I can smell the scent of a recently inhaled cigarette (I actually like it that way). After sometime BFF would ask me if everything is fine, I would just reply “It’s so dreamy” I can’t believe that the person I actually like and love is able to give me such sweet memories. It’s like being in movies. It gives me butterflies in my stomach. I’m able to survive each and every day without you looking forward to the things that we can do in the future. Things we’ve done in the past we’re so sweet that even without your presence I am still able to feel all of it. Reminiscing has never been this good since we’ve had no bad moments together. I miss your endless jokes (yeah though I don’t really find them funny what I find laughable about is how eager you tell them to me.), the look in your eyes when I tell you I love you, the way you make me feel when we are together and the moments that we are alone and we can just sit together all day. I miss cooking for you, nagging you to chew your food well before you swallow it and how I keep telling you to wash the dishes daily and not to let them last the whole week. I hope you don’t find me manipulative or keeping you on a leash that’s too tight. I know you’re enjoying your vacation and whatever happens you know you have someone you can always come back to aside from your friends. I don’t have to say that I’ll always be here for you. I’ll just do it and wait for the time that you’ll say to me “You’ve always been there for me, at my worse and at my best.” It’s probably the most that I can offer right now in our situation. I am really more than happy that I met you. I won’t say that God sent an angel here on earth because that statement is starting to be so overrated. I simply admit that God had arranged for us to meet so that we may feel the kind of Love He can also give to us. He is making me feel His love through YOU.

CL Stories – ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTVWXYZ [Chapter 10]

It’s been three days since you went for vacation. I know that by now you already know the title of this chapter and it’s really what I feel right now. I have been getting good night sleep because of the fact that you have left me a memento that I can use as a pillow cover and just hug it tight when I feel lonely. Plus the fact that it’s not soaked in any perfume odor aside from your original scent, (yeah like the pheromones from animals.) it creates a mind twisting hallucination that your simply here beside me. I hug the pillow when I sleep, I feel cold, I feel unsafe and I seem to slip into a trance which instigates me to look forward to a new and fruitful day. I don’t know how long this effect will last or when it will fade, but as of the moment I am relieved from longing for you so much because of that feeling I get when I touch your memento. I’ve heard your voice lately and it sounds more than just music to my ears, it’s the satisfaction I get when I actually clean my ears with cotton buds that are soaked in alcohol (yeah it somewhat feels like orgasmic hahaha!).  It gives a slight tingling sensation as well. I have been trying to get busy nowadays just to get the days to pass by. I don’t want to start counting since they will seem longer than they usually are. I’m really missing you so badly right now, every second, every minute, and every hour of the day. I’m feeling blue without you by my side. I’m missing the feeling of being with you. My body longs for your touch, my lips long for your kiss and my heart unconditionally waits for the warmth of your love. I want to cry, cry because there might be no way for me to stop missing you. It’s driving me mad and I’m going crazy simply because I’m missing you badly. I’m wondering if you’re missing me too. But that doesn’t mean that you really have to. Enjoy your vacation and don’t let me hinder you from doing things you want. You already know how much I love you and all I’m concerned of is your safety. As we all know our own country is a dangerous place. Oh my dear cherished one please do not ever doubt my love for you. Because the moment you do it is a big failure on my part. Failure of make you feel loved the way you should be. If you feel that I’m inadequate, I’ll be working through everything for me to live up to your expectations. I have loved you, I am still loving you, and I always will.

CL Stories – Parting Gift [Chapter 9]

While you we're here with me I experienced huge amounts of joy and happiness. I miss you every single day and now without you here it's hard to go through the day knowing I won't see you or even get to hear your voice. But I have to be strong and hope for the best, for myself, for you, for us. Drowned myself in liquor to try and evade the loneliness that I know I'll be experiencing within the coming days, and it actually works for a couple of hours. I went home and threw myself on the bed where we first kissed. Savoring the sweet memories we've had while hugging the pillow with your shirt as the cover. I'm already missing you badly from day one and I've still got 34 days to count. I don't want to think of it every day since I know they will seem longer than usual if you're counting them. I have to do something, get busy and work something out while you’re gone. I know you’ll be enjoying your vacation so I should also do the same to be happy and enjoy my moments here. I’m glad you’ve introduced me to your clique and I know I’ll be enjoying their company a lot. I’m still playing that song from Glee and it helps me think and focus my thoughts on our situation. It makes me think positive about us that even though you’re not here things will be fine. From the lyrics itself, “I’m defying Gravity” It makes me think that we can go for miles with what we have. “It’s time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap.” Taking a leap of faith has never been this hard but then again I want to put all my trust in my instincts that there will be brighter days and better days when you get back. I want you to come back, run straight to my arms and tell me you love me, how much you miss me and how much we want to be together (Yeah I know it’s so cheesy right? I’m sorry but I just can’t help it hahaha). Days will pass by and I know I’ll make it, staring at our picture together gives me courage and strength, makes me remember the only person who is willing to take chance with me in a short span of time we knew each other. It makes me cherish the times we’ve had and the love we feel. I’m getting better, like they say happiness is a choice and I choose to be happy, I want to be happy because I know you’ll be sad if I’m not happy. I wish I could just slumber for the next 34 days to come. I want your kiss to be my wakeup call, I want your face to be the first thing I see, I want your warm love to melt me and resuscitate me from my cryogenic state (talk about a medley of old fashion love thoughts with a touch of science from the future hahaha!) Anyways with all the $#!t I’m blabbering about all I really want to say is…

I MISS YOU.

CL Stories - A Specter's Poem [Chapter 8]

A match made in Heaven

Distance too far yet you I sense near,
being mere acquaintances is how we feel.
Mumbling about things we already know,
true feelings do they even show?

Acquaintances for long we have been,
towards one another we are secretly keen.
Admiration and Inspiration are the words,
that shall unite this two distant worlds.

Until now the feeling still lingers,
maybe that’s why I’ve no feelings for others.
I know how you and I both feel,
but the question is can this be real?

Thinking about You and Me,
is it possible to be We?
Riding a train plane or bus
just for You and Me to be Us.

We defined it Magical and Divine,
as two souls tangle and entwine.
We think and agree again,
that this is a Match made in Heaven.

 

CL Stories - Heavenly Fear [Chapter 7]

I know it's wrong, creating my private heaven here on earth and doing whatever I want. But who can blame me? It's my turn to be happy and I'm happy when I'm with him. His simple gestures and jokes makes me smile and happy. Time seems to stop when we're together and nothing seems impossible. I get a glimpse of heaven whenever I look into his eyes and feel God's blessing when he touches me with his hands. When he says to me that he loves me I pretend not to hear it so that he will say it again. The three immortal words which can be both destructive and constructive. It seems to me that every time he says it my heart would miss a beat, like a sudden jolt to my nerves, or a chill down my spine. I've never felt like this before. I really don't want to compare because I think it's rude, but it can't be helped. He just keeps knocking me off my feet and I actually like that feeling. In a short span of time we have developed a connection that we've never felt with anyone before. It's good to have someone who can sing songs that you also know, talk about the same interests that you have, and the best part is you both feel the same towards each other. I guess it just so happened that in our current situation we can't be formally together. We've actually had a sincere talk this afternoon it did feel good to know that  we we're really considering each others feelings and what would be the outcome. It's not like him to be all melodramatic but I actually love it. I feel the sincerity in all his words and we we're talking seriously for once. I guess it is needed every once in a while to keep us holding our ground. I've told him that I'll be here no matter what. It's not a promise I need to keep but rather an action I'm always willing to do. I'll be his true friend and unconditional lover. I was cloaked with fear this afternoon when he actually mentioned that it may be the last time we'll see each other. I cried but as soon as he held my hand and pat my back I returned to normal. I told him that so far all we have are good memories and let's keep it that way. I don't wanna be lonely when he leaves so I really need a lot of those good memories because I don't really know what his decision will be when he comes back. Like it was said on the TV, "Loving is a risk" and well this has been the biggest risk I took lately, but I know for sure I won't regret anything in the end. Even if he chooses me or not I know I'll be happy because I met someone who actually appreciates me in an intimate level even without us being in a relationship. I needed to leave by afternoon so I asked him to lay down with me on the bed. We kissed and cuddled. I tried to stop myself from crying but I guess I couldn't help it. Tears fell down my eyes while I was staring at him as he sleeps(at least he's not snoring this time haha!). So he decided to drop me off by the highway to go home. As I walked farther away form him I kept looking, it's hard seeing him just stare at me while I go home. I finally hailed a cab and on the cab I just suddenly burst into tears, crying my heart out. Driver was asking if I was OK. Kinda annoying since he see's me crying and still asks if I'm OK, but I told him I'm fine to prevent any further conversation. So I got home and changed to my clothes as usual. Washed the dishes and chill out. I was sad for a moment but I guess I just can't help but be happy because I am being loved the way I like it. It surpasses the sadness that I feel whenever I remember he's not mine to keep. But hey there might be hope. No need to be sad all the way. Like I always say to him, "Let's enjoy and cherish the moments we have together till it lasts." I've been listening to the song "Cherie Amore" I guess it's my feel good song for today. 

"Fear is a darkroom where negatives develop."

CL Stories - An Uncertain Clairvoyance [Chapter 6]

I've been experiencing immense amounts of happiness for the last few days and I'm really thankful about it. Some people say that they've been to hell and back. Well for me, I've been to heaven and back. I don't wanna be sad but I guess it can't be helped. I know I'll miss him so much once he's gone for his vacation because in a short span of time that we've been through, we have experienced a lot, talked about a lot of stuff and shared a lot of things. The connection I have with him is just truly amazing and astonishing. I just can't get enough of it I guess. I know I'm not in any position to ask for anything but I'm still wiling to take my chances. Hope is free and it does bring about positivity so I don't have anything to lose. Maybe I'm just scared of the possibility and chances  that are currently on the table. It's really down right scary. But anyways I really enjoyed my time with him. The usual sweet cuddles, never ending jokes and stories. I actually woke up ahead of him this morning and well I was staring at his face while he was still sleeping. It's like "Gosh! an angel from heaven!" that was really heart melting, until the sudden snore. Haha! It's priceless! He still makes me giggle even at times that I seriously adore him while his sleep. What are the chances to find someone like that right? I mean someone who makes you giggle without even exerting too much effort. Someone to make you smile just by breathing. I just whispered to myself "How I wish you we're mine to keep..." We had our lunch and dinner together (so yeah he's preventing me from getting slim... ugh..) and I'm actually happy that I'm able to eat normal food again though I'm actually trying not to eat so much since I really need to lose more weight. I went back home with him and I took a quick shower. We we're suppose to go to my bff's place for a drink but when we we're trying to call her she wouldn't answer so we decided to just go take a walk till she gives us a ring. It was probably one of the most tiring walks I've done, but hey! I'm with an angel who keeps giving me strength to go on and also keeps me smiling and laughing with down to earth jokes. I really enjoyed that long walk. We ended up staying the the fave place to be of the crowd and we chit chatted about random stuffs again. Before we we're about to go home I just felt this sudden sadness and well should I say, uncertain clairvoyance. He'll be going on vacation next Sunday and I know I'll miss him a lot. Once he's back from vacation he could be a changed man. A lot can happen in a month, we don;t know what things will be like when he gets back. I didn't want to tell him why I was feeling like that at first but I guess I just wanna be honest and I don't want him to worry about how I'm feeling so when we hailed a cab home I told it to him. I really appreciate his answer "Don't think about it for now". It's like telling me that there might even be a slight chance that we can be together. That just made my night even more perfect. It's totally better than nothing and I'm happy about it. We said good night and bid good bye to each other for the night. We may not be sleeping beside each other but I'm happy that even if he's not beside me, he'll always be the nearest one in my heart.

"Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident."

- St. Augustine

CL Stories - Secret Letter No. 12 [Chapter 5]

yk pqmd otqduetqp azq,

u idafq ftue xqffqd fa mpyuf mnagf m euz. m euz u'hq 

haxgzfmduxk oayyuffqp, m euz ea eiqqf ftmf yk tqmdf bagzpe 

tmdpqd mzp rmefqd qhqdk eqoazp, m euz ea nmp ftmf uf 

mofgmxxk ymwqe yq rqqx saap. u wzai ftuzse mdq sauzs saap

rad yq ngf u paz'f imzzm nq eqxruet. u'hq rqxf xuwq ftue nqradq 

ngf kagde ue vgef purrqdqzf. ufe yudmogxage, mymluzs mzp 

iazpqdrgx. kag ymwq yq otmzsq fa m nqffqd bqdeaz. m bqdeaz 

iuft uzebudmfuaz, rgfgdq, mzp tabq. uzebudmfuaz ftmf suhqe yq 

qzagst oagdmsq fa eqf ftuzse dustf mzp ymwq yk xurq nqffqd. 

m rgfgdq rgxx ar pdqmye mzp mebudmfuaze. tabuzs rad m 

nqffqd agfoayq uz yk xurq iuftuz ftq oayuzs kqmde. u'y tmbbk iuft

 itmf iq tmhq dustf zai mzp itmf iq omz tmhq uz ftq rgfgdq. iq omz 

mximke efmk ftue imk ad iq omz yahq radimdp fa zqi tqustfe. me 

xazs me iq'dq tmbbk mzp iq'dq zaf efqbbuzs az mzkazq'e etaqe.

qhqdk euzsxq pmk yk rqqxuzse vgef wqqb sdaiuzs mzp sdaiuzs. 

uf'e xuwq m bxmzf ftmf'e nquzs zagduetqp ea iqxx. u omz tazqefxk

 emk u pa xahq kag mzp u wzai kag rqqx uf faa. kag wzai u imzf uf

fa nq yadq ngf uf'e eayqftuzs kag ymk zaf suhq dustf zai, ymknq 

zaf qhqd. ngf ftmf'e itk sap smhq ge tabq, fa ymwq ge rqqx ftqdq 

ue m otmzoq rad saap ftuzse fa tmbbqz ur iq wqqb rmuft uz ftqy. 

u tmhq rmuft uz kag, rmuft uz ge, ftmf iq ymk sa rmdftqd ftmz itmf 

agd tmzpe omz dqmot, fa itmf agd tqmdfe omz rqqx mzp fa itmf 

agd yuzpe omz ftuzw. zai xqf yq fqxx kag ftq eiqqfqef euz u'hq 

oayyuffqp, ftq euz ar xahuzs kag.

CL Stories - Intimate Lust [Chapter 4]

Nothing beats a nine hour sleep. I feel rejuvenated from all kinds of stress from last week, lets not mention the miracle about my application in one of the biggest company here. I'm more than willing to keep my faith in the One above with the things that are happening right now. Like I've always said "I feel brighter than the sun". Drenching my throat with a warm cup of coffee, savoring the heat of the sun in my torso, inhaling the cancerous smoke from my favorite cigarette and thinking that nothing can go wrong this day, as if yesterday wasn't already so blessed with so much joy and happiness. I decided to give my cherished one a glimpse of my unconditional madness and craze for him. How he makes me utter countless words, he makes my body release enormous amounts of serotonin and melatonin, he makes my imagination go wild and crazy. I felt embarrassed from the moment I knew he was reading my emotional blabbers and melodramatic nonsense, It's like getting completely naked in front of a stranger, you don't really know what he'll say or do next. It's a risky move but it might be worth the shot. Laying down all my cards might actually convince him that I'm the one but that wouldn't make me feel good either. I don't want him to choose me over his cherished one. I want things to happen as they are suppose to. I don't want to be labeled the one that I fear the most. I'm just enjoying what we have and so is he. We don't talk about dramatic things in life which involves both of us since it's gonna drive us away from each other. Enjoy the moment, savor the pleasure, appreciate the feeling. My heart was pounding the whole time he was reading my blog. I went to get a can of soda and took a quick smoke. I hate this feeling, this feeling of uncertainty whether he's gonna move away or just be more close to me. After reading my blabber I just simply asked him, "How do you feel? Now that you know how crazy I am for you." He just simply replied, "The feeling is mutual". I was happy, I've been happier but I never thought I'd experience this. This feeling of ecstatic joy and comfort, it's like inhaling the coolest breeze on top of a mountain. He again never fails to say the right words to make my heart healthy. He's has something more to offer than the so called "Chicken soup for the soul". He's like the "Buffet for the hungry heart". So yeah that was a pathetic attempt to make you guys laugh (I actually find it funny though...). I'll be meeting him again privately today to have lunch together and cuddle all afternoon. Once again we will give in, give in to our... Intimate Lust... 

"Sin from my lips! O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again."

- Romeo Montague  (Romeo & Juliet by Shakespeare)

CL Stories - My Heaven [Chapter 3]

I haven't been able to write in the last few days and you wouldn't believe where I was. I was in heaven, the feeling of ecstatic joy and happiness overflowing from me. I can't help but just smile, smirk, giggle and other signs and symptoms of happiness. But still I have to continuously reiterate to myself that I know where I stand. Don't get me wrong, I'm no hypocrite. I love what I'm feeling and I know what I'm feeling, I'm just in full control and I do realize where I stand for him. I'm just enjoying the moments where I'm totally into someone and I'm able to do what I want with him. I can't say I am contented with what we have but I guess as long as I'm happy that's all that matters right now. I also have some more pressing concerns I need to focus on. I was with him yes. My ultimate crush. It was like a private getaway. I brought him something for lunch and stayed there till he's done with his duty then we went to town for coffee. I have never been with him this long without the influence of alcohol and I actually love it. I'm still looking forward to spending more time with him before he leaves for vacation. I can't help but feel jealous since I know he'll be meeting his better half in his home town. But I make sure that whenever I'm with him I avoid all drama and emotional blabber since it will just ruin the moment. He does ask me if I'm jealous, no matter how much I'd like to say yes I don't have any right to be, so I just tell him "Of course not, I know where I stand..." It does hurt a bit but happiness is something I value more right now instead of entertaining the emotional torture that I know I'll experience sooner or later, I'd rather be happy and thankful that I am able to do what I want with him. I know that I may seem so low and pathetic for settling for 2nd best, but the hell do you care? It's making me happy and you don't have any say in it specially if you don't know what I've been through. I've made a vow to myself that I'd only limit myself to kissing and cuddling with him. No sex since that would make me a man-whore of some kind and that's totally not me, as well as the fact it may get things more complicated. I just really enjoy kissing him, cuddling with him and well we rarely run out of things to talk about which means no dull moments. If we're not talking about something, we are singing songs, the fact that he's just 2 years older than me and he also digs boy-bands (yeah a thing of the past right?) we are able to burst into songs we both know by heart. I am again happy with that kind of connection with him. I guess all I want to say really is how happy I am. He took an eyelash form my cheeks yesterday (the one that fell off from my eyelids) and well he pinched it and ask me to make a wish (Yeah dunno if this is actually true wherein if the hair sticks on the thumb your wish will come true) and I did. sad to say the hair stick to his index finger so wish will never come true. He was asking me on what did I wish for. I didn't want to say it to him since I think he knows. It was for him to be mine forever. 

"When you have seen as much of life as I have, you will not underestimate the power of obsessive love."

 - J.K. Rowling

CL Stories - Unexpected Truth [Chapter 2]

Where the hell are my manners? I've written two blogs already and well I still haven't introduced myself, I'm Chris, twenty two years old currently jobless and bum (yeah as if I had never been in this situation before). I've actually had fun drinking last night with my best friend Stephanie, my ex Ryan, and my newly found crush Dave. Max wanted me to invite friends over to his birthday since a lot of his guests didn't show up. There was too many food for the crowd and the first person that actually popped in my mind was Dave. As what I've said before I am not yet sure of what I'm really feeling for Dave but I'm willing to figure it out. I know I am not in the right time and situation to have feelings for someone right now but, can you blame me? I just feel really comfy and happy when I'm with him. Anyways so DJ's make up the great music, Strobe Lights, great food, great friends. We we're actually having a good time till Dean suddenly left, we don't know the reason why but something must have happened to make him upset and put another emotional blabber on facebook. Let's talk about the highlight of the night, Dave came. I picked him up the at mall near Sammy's (I just can't get enough of my gay and bisexual friends can't I?) place and well as we all know Ryan is totally jealous of Dave. Ryan actually wanted to go home but Max and Sammy talked him out of it. So he stayed and drank with us. Another friend came a bit late and guess who it was, none other than Brian which I actually dig because I really like seeing Dave and Brian make out. The day ended with almost all of us drunk. There was one instance where Dave was holding my hands and telling me how bad he actually feels about Brian. I wish I could just hug him tight, kiss him and tell him "I'm here and everything will be alright" but then again I'm not in the right position to do so. So I just tried my best to be a good friend and gave him a few advices that could help him along the way.So I went home together with Ryan (Who is still staying in our place btw.) and well he was crying before we went to sleep. I asked him why and he told me that he feels my pain when I look at Dave and Brian making out. I actually smirked a bit and said, "Why would I be in pain when I'm actually happy for them?" It's not like I have DEEP feelings for Dave. I also happen to know that he has a boyfriend in his hometown so I really know where I stand. Anyways the day really was a blast, it was the first time we we're actually drinkin till morning.

"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that one is loved; loved for oneself, or better yet, loved despite oneself."

-Victor Hugo

CL Stories - Morning Dews [Chapter 1]

Another morning has come and I go through my daily routines. A talk with an old lover and a faithful friend asking how am I doing amidst the chaos and turmoil inside my head. I actually feel that I'm doing much better compared to the last few weeks. We talked about my current situation and I can't help but feel so naked. He see's right through me. He knows me so well that he can actually start and finish off my sentence. But anyways it was, as always, a feel good conversation. My best friend is about to come over before lunch and well  someone asked me if all three of us could actually have lunch together. I told him politely that I want to have quality time with my best friend to talk about stuffs that well, needs to be talked about. I was looking forward to exchanging messages with the person I actually admire but let me have this day for myself. Take time to think and decide on what to do next. I mean we went out together once (yeah just the two of us) and well it wasn't a date, best friend was suppose to come as well but she couldn't make it due to some important reasons so it ended up being me and him. I am trying to figure out if I should actually pursue it since I really feel a connection to him. I mean he understands what I say and he actually told me once that I do make a lot of sense when I blabber about life. I kinda like that level of connection since it's something I haven't had in a long time. To determine whether this is just a friendly connection or maybe admiration or infatuation. I know I'm not in the right time to be in love with someone so I'm trying not to, but I don't want to waste the opportunity as well. I just hope that when the time comes that I am actually in love with him he tells me what he really feels as well and doesn't leave me hanging. I know it's a too big risk to take but hey, rewards of it can actually be great if it turns out right. I think I'll still go back to my old self when it comes to this kind of situation. Taking a risk but at the same time playing it safe. Hoping he'll message me soon. Like the bright sun that never fails to shine every morning which gives morning dews the beautiful sparkling light.

"I believe love is primarily a choice and only sometimes a feeling. If you want to feel love, choose to love and be patient."

- Anonymous

CL Stories - A Gloomy Past [Prologue]

I have been living my life the way I actually want it. I may not have a job yet but I'm getting there. I have been experiencing a lot of ups and downs in the past 5 years of my life. I know I'm not a normal individual (no not the ones with super powers or psychic abilities) because on that 5 years, I have been focusing on one thing, looking for the right person to be with me for all my life (yeah pathetic isn't it? It's actually amazing how I can believe in this sh!t). But of course priorities are there like school and work, but the most important of all surviving on this earth. It hits me like a solid rock on my head that it's actually easier said than done. Having someone to be with you in this world could actually make things easier or sad to say, worse. Who the hell knows if things are turning out the way they should be? We are born in this world with our eyes closed nose clogged and naked, I actually meant that literally and philosophically. We barely know what to do. That's why we also have Faith. We believe that what we do and why we are here is always for a greater and better purpose. That's what usually keeps people going, that's what keeps me going and enduring the last 5 years of my life. Broken family, discrimination and unappreciated hard work are just a few things to start with. But then again positivity brings hope, courage and determination to supply me with enough energy which will last until the next brutal blow of life comes. Let's see how my life goes on with the kind of inspiration and sacrifices I'm willing to do for the sake of Love and Companionship

"There is always some madness in love, but there is also

                          always some reasons in madness..."

                           

                          - Friedrich Nietzsche