I have been with you for the last two days and it has been the happiest days of the holiday season. I never thought that I'd actually go that far for you. Aside from all the things we have talked about recently and how we are doing good so far with what we have. But then again reality strikes and back stabs me at the worst possible time. How is it that life can give you full of hope and and promises and yet shatters it right in front if you. I already know that life isn't fair so we can all stop wasting time in convincing me that it is. I hate the fact that it is my choice. A choice I made because I want to be happy. Don't get me wrong I am happy. I'm just in those state where paranoia sets in like a snake's venom through my veins. If I don't do something quick it'll definitely consume me inside out. It's like the dark clouds up in the skies, you already know that if it doesn't clear out soon rain will be coming. Like doubt that if not confirmed or cleared up starts to consume all the good things left in you. So having said all that I have decided to die another day. I need to shutdown my system and quarantine myself from all the doubts that's in my head. I know in myself that if I don't do this I'll fall back into that self destructive pattern and I might lose myself again and be taken over by my emotions. I also know that If that happens all the good stuff that we had might be lost and I don't want to risk losing them because they're my only hope for a happiness as of now. I've decided to cut off myself from the world again just for a few days until all my doubts are cleared. I've been stopping myself for the last twenty hours in trying to get any form of contact with you or anyone else for that matter. But I guess it's inevitable. I've been staring at your facebook and twitter profile for hours and well I decided to blog myself out till I run out of damn words to say. I've got a lot in my mind right now that I want to say to you and I guess the only way I can organize them is by writing it down, or rather typing them in here. I've already started stating how I feel so I guess that's a good start. Now let's move on to the more pressing concerns and what has been disturbing me this whole time. The last two days was paradise on earth for me. I mean I know we constantly see each other but then again the things we've talked about while we were together are different. We talked about stuff we usually find too sensitive to discuss before and well I guess it comes from our innate understanding of the situation that we are in, that's why we decided to tackle them. Everything is going well and until your phone rings and guess who it is. Yeah it's HIM. So you move away from me and discuss things on the phone privately. He has called I think four times in the last two days that we were together and it's been bugging me since the first day. I've been with you before and well he doesn't normally call unless its really important (this is just a wild guess). So I've had this bad vibes that he might be onto us. He may be feeling that something is off or something is wrong because I'm getting the same feeling. My instincts are giving me a suggestion that He might already know about us. But then again I could be wrong. I hope you don't take this negatively that I stayed away from you and everyone else for at least two days. I need it so I can prepare myself for the worse that might come. You know that I'm always happy to be with you, if only I could be beside you all the time I would. Just to be safe for both your sake and mine I've decided to stay away for a couple of days. I love you and I don't want you to lose everything because of me. Though you already know that once you do, you know you can always run to me. I know who you are and you're not perfect and I guess that's the best thing about it. I love you for who you are and there's probably nothing that you can do to stop me because I already know everything. I still have one more day to endure and I know I'll see you again. I'm hoping that I'll be back to my old self when I see you tomorrow again.
"You are Cruel because you can say that You Love me knowing that You also love someone else, but you are Kind enough to show and make me feel like you Love nobody else..."
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