CL Stories – A New Year's Eve Prayer [Chapter 26]

Dear God,

We Thank you for the fruitful year of 2010.
You have given us different opportunities and blessing
You Kept our families and friends safe and guided us through the year
May we find it in our hearts to forgive all those who have wronged us

May the people that we have unintentionally caused harm to forgive us as well
2010 was indeed a wonderful year full of surprises, joys, sorrows, trials and happiness
but we wouldn't have made it through without your guidance and your love
As the year comes to an end another one begins

We humbly ask you to continue to guide us and shower us with your blessings
Let us meet new people in the coming year and let us all share your love
Give us endless opportunities to grow and learn and be the supreme being we can be
Keep us humble as we achieve and receive more blessings in the coming year

To my friends, families, enemies and Loved one, Oh Dear God Help us start the year right
Forgive, Guide, Love and Enjoy the company of each for another 365 days
Forget all the pain and sorrow and let happiness and joy reign in our hearts
We as your children, say all of this through Christ our Lord.

AMEN...

CL Stories – A Perfect Life [Chapter 25]

Our lives will never be perfect. The only way we enjoy our imperfect lives is if we embrace those imperfections and make the most out of them. You'll never have everything but you can certainly make the best out of everything you already have. Always remember that it's not the things that you have that will make you happy. Happiness will always be choice no matter what happens. You feel it and you can choose to entertain it or just simply ignore it. You handle and control your life. It's up to you if you want to be influenced by the world around you or not. To follow the norms or simply stand out of the crowd. Life is a series of choices and every choice we make gives us a lesson. But beware it will still be a choice to learn from that lesson or simply ignore them. Every decision we make will create ripples and series of events. These series of events will then help in molding our very character and personality. Once this personality is developed, it will represent us in our society and we will surely get the attention of the people in a bad or a good way. Life is simple and easy to live. It is us who make it complicated and worse. Some people will have their own reason why they want their life complicated. But if you still see them happy given the situation, then you'll know that they've been learning their lesson from life. They have learn to accept the fact that they simply have to accept what is given to them and be happy and contented with it. Things always happen for a reason but nevertheless they will always give you a lesson in the end. May it be a positive or negative experience life will always be a fair teacher. Life may give you the tests firsts but the lesson after it will be worth it. Just like the famous story of "coffee" where the cup that holds the coffee is like out standing in life. Having a good paying job, your dream house your dream car and even your dream guy or girl. These things will never affect the quality of life we live. Same as how the cup that holds the coffee never spoils nor add quality to it. It is how you go through life and how you treat the people that comes and goes in it. You may have everything in the world and even share it with everyone else, but if you still act inappropriately  towards other people it will still show how you haven't learned from life's lessons. Always remember that it's not only you living your life out there. Everyone is struggling, others are even fighting, trying to stay alive just to live out their lives. Because they know it will always be worth it in the end. No matter how good or miserable your life is right now. There will always be a spark of hope and the dawn of a new day. It is up to us to establish our belief that life will be better. It is up to us to grab that chance whenever it's there. To hold and protect that single candle that gives warmth and light to our darkest days. The candle that can only be found inside our ever growing hearts. It is a good sign that others are willing to share the light and warmth of the candles in their heart. It only shows that they know what you are going through and they want to help you out by lighting your own candle with theirs. Don't let pride get the best of you. If you need help of other people then be willing to accept it. It may show your weakness but at the same time it will show your strength in overcoming your pride. It is never too late to learn the lessons of life. Life will never stop teaching you things you should know. Life will never loose its patience nor its composure when it is teaching you the best and worst possible lessons. So just open your mind and absorb what life has to offer. Once you have a solid grasp of life's hard but meaningful lessons. That will be the time that you cherish it as a part of your whole being, character and personality and you will come to accept the fact that Life is indeed PERFECT.

"The only time that our Lives can be perfect is if we stop resenting what life keeps giving."

CL Stories – A Subtle Obsession [Chapter 24]

I guess first impressions do really last if you want them to. This day has been busy since it was my first day of training a day after my interview with the company's management. I do have some friends over at another department and they keep telling me how the operations manager and assistant general manager was impressed with me. I guess it helps when you stop overdoing things and just be yourself. When the operations manager started the interview he told me that there's no hierarchy at the time that were doing the interview so I should feel free to say what I want to say and treat him as a friend. I guess that helped me to relax a bit and stop pressuring myself to land the job. It's true that when you are overwhelmed with your emotions about stuff you can make more mistakes. Being composed, relaxed, calm and objective about things is what you need to be in times of great distress and turmoil. Being jobless for months has been taxing and well pretty much a waste of time. Though I never regret the experiences and the times I shared with my friends and loved ones at those very moments. You really feel the love of the people around you when you got nothing and still they stick with you. It gives more meaning to camaraderie and companionship. That's why I never want to be put in a situation where I have to choose between my friends and my love one. It will always be a decision at which I don't ever want to make. I treat my friends as family as well, so that's like making me choose between my brothers or sisters and my love. It's something I know well within myself that I can't live without. Living my life for the past twenty two years has been all about loving. Loving my family, the way I suit myself up, the way I act towards other people, the food, the drinks, the good, bad and worse times, the ones I love, loved and will be loving. I love to love. There's too much love to give so why not just smother everyone with it. Be thankful for those who'll take it and appreciate it. For those who wont appreciate it leave them alone. They have their own reasons and you know very well that we can't please everybody. I'm not quite sure if it actually makes sense that you are "In love with Love itself" but I think that is what I've been into these past few years. Being so overwhelmed with the feeling of love does have it's own pros and cons. That's why I have decided to change my ways recently and make it "a subtle obsession" I still like the feeling and will do things for me to keep feeling it, but I will have to keep myself on the ground and stop myself from being swept away too much. It's not suppose to be the whole meal in life instead it should be an ingredient that keeps life tasty and full of flavors. Being out of the virtual world for the rest of the day gives me this sudden urge to burst out words that I know may or may not make sense at all. Babble random stuffs that people might already know and may simple ignore this piece of crap. But hey I'm still proud of myself not everyone will make and effort to jot down random thoughts that pop into their head. They are underestimating the most powerful substance in the world. The human mind. Who knows that maybe one day I bang my head on a wall because of a perfectly well diagnosed insanity and loose all my memory. This might help me recover my memories and help me go back to who I really was, but then again I might fall into the same pattern of banging my head on the wall (yeah I was trying to be funny a bit back there haha!). But still it might be helpful not only to me but others as well. You never really know when someone is actually moved and influenced by the way you think. That is how powerful the human psyche is! 

"Obsession is the highest level & form of missing a person. It can induce both fear & amazement."

CL Stories – Faint Memories [Chapter 23]

Holiday season is still around the corner. Christmas just passed and a new Year is about to start. All the parties, endless buffet dinners and insatiable hunger for anything alcoholic (Yeah guilty as hell right there! haha!) have now come to a slow pace only to regain speed as the new year approaches. I'm looking forward to all the colorful fireworks and cheerful but loud noises in the streets. That is how new year is usually celebrated back where I was born. As the year ends all of us try to recall what has transpired the whole year round. We embrace the fact that another year has passed and it's time to let go of all the failures and mistakes that we did and hold onto the faint but good memories of the past. It is now time to set the bar higher as a lot of things are at stake. Human beings will always have this insatiable hunger for consistent improvement of themselves. May it be career wise, or maybe about love or about your family. Re-evaluation of self esteem, ego and personality is a must. Results of this self evaluation may prove to be useful in the coming year. Let us all give ourselves a round of applause because once again we survive one full year. We have HIM to thank for all the blessings HE gave us. So I'll stop myself on this blog since I am really really sleepy by now (As if an additional 2 hours sleep earlier didn't do the trick). Till next time peeps. Thank YOU.

"Celebrate the new year with a new life and less enemies and lots of love. A year started right will always end right."

CL Stories – A Cruel Kindness [Chapter 22]

I have been with you for the last two days and it has been the happiest days of the holiday season. I never thought that I'd actually go that far for you. Aside from all the things we have talked about recently and how we are doing good so far with what we have. But then again reality strikes and back stabs me at the worst possible time. How is it that life can give you full of hope and and promises and yet shatters it right in front if you. I already know that life isn't fair so we can all stop wasting time in convincing me that it is. I hate the fact that it is my choice. A choice I made because I want to be happy. Don't get me wrong I am happy. I'm just in those state where paranoia sets in like a snake's venom through my veins. If I don't do something quick it'll definitely consume me inside out. It's like the dark clouds up in the skies, you already know that if it doesn't clear out soon  rain will be coming. Like doubt that if not confirmed or cleared up starts to consume all the good things left in you. So having said all that I have decided to die another day. I need to shutdown my system and quarantine myself from all the doubts that's in my head. I know in myself that if I don't do this I'll fall back into that self destructive pattern and I might lose myself again and be taken over by my emotions. I also know that If that happens all the good stuff that we had might be lost and I don't want to risk losing them because they're my only hope for a happiness as of now. I've decided to cut off myself from the world again just for a few days until all my doubts are cleared. I've been stopping myself for the last twenty hours in trying to get any form of contact with you or anyone else for that matter. But I guess it's inevitable. I've been staring at your facebook and twitter profile for hours and well I decided to blog myself out till I run out of damn words to say. I've got a lot in my mind right now that I want to say to you and I guess the only way I can organize them is by writing it down, or rather typing them in here. I've already started stating how I feel so I guess that's a good start. Now let's move on to the more pressing concerns and what has been disturbing me this whole time. The last two days was paradise on earth for me. I mean I know we constantly see each other but then again the things we've talked about while we were together are different. We talked about stuff we usually find too sensitive to discuss before and well I guess it comes from our innate understanding of the situation that we are in, that's why we decided to tackle them. Everything is going well and until your phone rings and guess who it is. Yeah it's HIM. So you move away from me and discuss things on the phone privately. He has called I think four times in the last two days that we were together and it's been bugging me since the first day. I've been with you before and well he doesn't normally call unless its really important (this is just a wild guess). So I've had this bad vibes that he might be onto us. He may be feeling that something is off or something is wrong because I'm getting the same feeling. My instincts are giving me a suggestion that He might already know about us. But then again I could be wrong. I hope you don't take this negatively that I stayed away from you and everyone else for at least two days. I need it so I can prepare myself for the worse that might come. You know that I'm always happy to be with you,  if only I could be beside you all the time I would. Just to be safe for both your sake and mine I've decided to stay away for a couple of days. I love you and I don't want you to lose everything because of me. Though you already know that once you do, you know you can always run to me. I know who you are and you're not perfect and I guess that's the best thing about it. I love you for who you are and there's probably nothing that you can do to stop me because I already know everything. I still have one more day to endure and I know I'll see you again. I'm hoping that I'll be back to my old self when I see you tomorrow again.

"You are Cruel because you can say that You Love me knowing that You also love someone else, but you are Kind enough to show and make me feel like you Love nobody else..."

CL Stories – Preordained Love [Chapter 21]

Another day in front of the computer and I'm about to mumble another bunch of nonsense. I've just finished watching the Junjou Romantica series and well, all I could say was "Wow!". You get that heart warming feeling when you are able to finish a comedy-drama series where each of the characters comes to a climax and at the  still managed to get that "Happily ever after" ending. It's a story about a college student and a novelist who fell in love with in each other. Love chooses no one, same or different gender, close or far age gaps. A series of finding out how love is formed and how love makes you feel when it's taken away from you. As all people say love comes as a package with all the pain, suffering, worries and doubts. You might be asking why does it need to come with all those negative side dished. Here's one simple answer. It gives you HAPPINESS in return that's why it will always be worth it. Watching that series made me come back to my original roots and knock some sense into me that everything is happening for a reason, and I mean EVERYTHING. All the good and the bad scenes are lined up to make a good ending not only in the series but think about our lives as well. I can relate to a lot of the scenes from this series that's why I decided to write about it. I could compare myself to the pure-hearted romanticist and novelist Akihiko (but without all the wealth and fame that is... haha!) who at the start of the series was faced with the most heartbreaking situation of his life. He has been in love with his best friend Takahiro, and now his best friend decides to get married. Takahiro's younger brother Misaki feels for Akihiko so he cries right in front of him. Akihiko appreciates his tears and well decides to make him stop crying by kissing and hugging him and that's how their story started. Oh well hope you guys watch it so you can follow their inspiring and funny story.

"No matter how strongly you feel in your heart, if you don't convey it to the other person it's meaningless"

CL Stories – Rebirthing [Chapter 20]

It's been a long time since I've last posted here. It only means that I have been busy with some things that's why I seldom write. I'm back to my old life, my ex has moved out a couple of days ago and I'm actually enjoying my time alone in the room, aside from my favorite housemates daily visit everything seems to be doing well. I'm able to focus more on my job hunting, I'm able to invite any guests I want without worrying that someone might get hurt, and I'm able to do anything I want in the room (Yeah that includes the things inside that little black book. haha!). Pretty much everything returned to normal before I met him. I've met a new friend when he moved out and guess what? He's so much like me. I mean we've only seen each other a couple of times and before we actually saw each other we we're already best "budz". I guess my reputation of being friendly and trustworthy with secrets still surpasses my own expectations. I guess having met a lot of people has already made me an expert in figuring out someone. It took me two days to get him to open up everything about him and I'm actually glad that he trusts me. I've found another best friend in my life. Though I already have one but she's a girl and well it's definitely good if you have the best of both sexes (of course there are some things which you can only discuss with a girl and things you can discuss with a guy). I'm happy to have him around because we jive in so much in a lot of things. Maybe one factor is that we are both born under the same sign (both Chinese zodiac and Western Zodiac). A  combination of both east and west signs which is Dragon - Taurus pair. We we're born same year and different months. but the difference in days is just a small gap that's why we still are under the same Western Zodiac. Since we feel like we've known each other for so long we have decided to keep our friendship as close as we can. I mean he can better understand my own personality since we actually have a lot in common. I'm hoping that our brotherhood will last a long way. Anyway going back on track with my love life, everything is back to normal. Though I was really paranoid with my cherished one coming back from vacation, a lot of things are much clearer now. Like I've said, this might be the time where I have to be contented with what he can give me in return. We still haven't labeled the kind of relationship we have but I guess I'll just stick to the saying that I posted a while back. All I know is I'm happy with him and with what we have right now. I still get that excited feeling when I'm about to see him. My heart still jumps around whenever I hear his voice on the phone and My day just seem bright and perfect just by knowing that he loves me. I wish he feels the same. He recently visited me here at my home and in my room. For the first time we slept together at night and when I woke up I actually like the feeling that the first face I see before my day starts is his. It may be shallow but that's the truth. Simple things like these is what makes me happy. I'd rather prepare coffee for us than treat him out at Starbucks. I'd rather cook food that he likes instead of bringing him at a restaurant. I'd rather watch old movies and films with him at home than in those big screens. My happiness is just really shallow. You don't need to do big things for me to make me happy. It's those sweet little details which will always matter to make the big picture worth it. Oh well as far as I can see I'm still in love with you, Yes you. You know who you are.

"Labels are for those people who fear the unknown"