I haven't written in a while, and yes I mean a long while (My last blog was written May 4). I stopped writing simply because I wanted to put a halt to everything right after the incidents that happened. Take a breather and let myself loose for a while. I needed it so badly that I went as far as deleting my Twitter account and deactivating my Facebook as well. I guess it really made a big difference in my life. I have been hypnotizing myself that it won't, but I guess it can't be helped simply because what I feel is true. Time passed by, nights grew frighteningly colder and myself grew lonelier by the week. We both agreed to stay away from each other for a while. I said yes knowing that between the two of us I would suffer the most. I'm not really good at this moving on shit. Once I come from a breakup I start having doubts on everything and everyone, including myself. When that happens I try and divert myself from the self destructive pattern that usually happens on these cases. I've already tried to kill myself a few times and it didn't really do any good. I still remember those stupid moments when I look at my wrists. Anyway I think I'm in the mood to write again after all that's happened. I still don't know our situation but we do see each other every now and then and well we barely talk about it. We both have different priorities now and we're also busy with a lot of stuff. I guess it's better we keep it this way until we both have enough time to talk to each other. I've been bad enough to get involved (no, not the kind of involvement your thinking...) with other people while some of these feelings still linger in me. I guess I just wanted the attention that I haven't really been getting. I know how bad that seems and most of the people will surely hate me for it.. I will fix it up as soon as possible and I feel like I barely know myself because of it. Yeah, I didn't fall into that self destructive pattern but I turned into something much worse. I will have to go through another series of solitary confinement soon to find my old self. Everything I once knew about myself isn't as clear as before. I unconsciously drowned myself in all these emotions that I barely thought of just to fill that gap, I have lost myself and hurt others in doing it. I will take full responsibility over my actions this time and take any consequences it will come with. This time I wanna start over with a full clean slate. No hang ups. No excess baggage. Just me. Enough with my melodramatic side. I'm about to start work really soon and well, I have my bucket list full and have about six months to complete them. Mostly are gadgets but I also have to get my driver's license (Yeah it's been long over due and I don't wanna waste one third of my salary to fares and transport services), and I'm planning to get another degree via online schools but I haven't really chosen any course yet. I have a lot of plans and I wanna start turning them into a reality. My relationship with my family is just getting better. Mom and I are getting along just fine and I see my dad every once in a while. My brother is still a little bit spoiled (yeah thanks to my mom! LoL!) but he'll grow up pretty soon I think. I'm excited to start working. New friends, colleagues, new place and environment. I wanted to live independently and here's my chance. I have done it before in my home country so I should be just fine here. Career wise, I have set my mind to building my career on this company. I know I will enjoy working with them since they are an events company and I like being on events. I'm starting as a business support (yeah on operations, so it's gonna be stressful!) and I'm planning to work my way up to being an events manager. We'll see how it goes as time goes by. That's all for now. Till next blog.
"People who can't take responsibility for their actions are to be pitied since they will never learn from their mistakes and are destined to repeat them"
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