CL Stories – Fragile and Frail [Chapter 42]

Human emotions are as fragile and frail as a piece of glass. You don't really need to drop it to break it. Just a sufficient blow will make it crack. When a glass is exposed to a constant change of temperature from hot to cold and vice versa, as time goes by it will be in a state of futility and that makes it unreliable, same goes for human emotions. Emotions become unreliable and unstable when one is constantly exposed to different feelings. The person becomes torn between the mixed emotions and starts to lose sight of how he or she really feels. Once that happens the person is now prone to make mistakes, jump to conclusions, and acquire fears that he or she may not have encountered before. Let us not forget that the brain tells how and what we should feel. So it should be us in control of our emotions and not the other way around. You become one of the worst people in the world if you act solely on your emotions. We have to be objective and skeptical when we deal with our emotions since they can really be unreliable. All people have different ways of coping up with emotional stress. Some go out more, spend time with people and party out with friends to get distracted from it so that they can get their minds clear and ready to think of ways to deal with the emotional stress they are experiencing. While others spend time alone without getting in contact with anyone so that they can achieve inner peace and start to sort things out as well as deal with their feelings. I personally prefer being alone if I’m in this kind of turmoil. It helps me think whether the things I have done are right or wrong. It also assists me in deciphering my true feelings and helps me concentrate on what I should do next. Blogging is also one way of expressing how I really feel since I seldom speak to someone about these things. When a person makes a mistake due to the unreliability of emotions he/she enters a doubtful trance. Instantaneously that person becomes untrusting to everyone including him/herself. Words of advice though, lose your faith and trust in everyone else except yourself. The moment you lose confidence and trust in yourself could mean your lack of understanding your own personality. Once self doubt kicks in, jump hastily in to that self defensive and reconstructive pattern to prevent loss of self esteem and to keep a little bit of your pride. Keep in mind that lingering in the threshold of negative emotions will do you no good 

"Heart is the very core and essence of human feelings and emotions just as the brain is the core and essence of the human body and intelligence."

CL Stories – Coffee [Chapter 41]

Nothing can be more fragrant than the scent of coffee every morning. How it turns up and turns on your senses from a long cold slumber. How it goes well with any meal you may want to take every morning. The sun heats up your body, but coffee is just so miraculous that gives off a feeling of rejuvenation on both your physique and psyche from within. How instantly one sip zaps you into this hype and it starts your mentality right. You are instantly able to think of the things you have to do for the day. It ignites your mind and body and starts the daily cycle and routine of your life. A morning without coffee is like a bed without pillows, you can sleep in a bed without pillows but wouldn’t it be better if you had them? You will surely sleep much better with the pillows and mornings will always be better as well with coffee.  My love and obsession for coffee is a little above average, it’s not harmful anyway. I usually take around three to four cups a day. I remember one quote saying that coffee is a lot like love. It is naturally bitter but what makes it worth drinking is because it becomes the perfect concoction when you add a few more ingredients to it. Same goes for love; it will never promise you a happily ever after ending like in the bedtime story books or fairy tales. But as you learn to appreciate its worth, overcome the trials and obstacles that it will give you, cherish each day it is in your hands and learn to accept and see through the imperfections then that is the only time it becomes the perfect brew of Love. Love much like the taste and feel of coffee does not only keep you awake late at night or wakes you up from your sleepy mornings, but makes you realize the bittersweet reality of life. Life may not always be fair. We may never know why bad things happen to good people or why bad people usually have the best luck. These are some of the things that may or may not be easily comprehended by the human mind. You are given the right to be cynical or disparaging about it. I’d rather keep my faith and just be positive about it, that all things happen for a reason and that it will always be a part of a bigger picture.

“The quality of life we live is only as great as the love we can give.”

CL Stories – Eyes [Chapter 40]

 

I never thought that getting over him would be this fast. I guess moving on isn't so hard if you simply accept the facts that everything is over between the two of you. He was never really meant to be mine in the first place. He is simply one of those people who made me realize I can still break my barriers and limits, that there's more to the persona I already have and more to the crazy little slime or blob inside my skull (yeah using the word brain is too common, boring I might add hahaha). Happiness is really something. People do things that may be reasonable or not just to get a small ounce of that stuff. Some people’s lives depend on it, some make money out of it (yeah stand up comedians are number one on the list) and some are even willing to die for it. Happiness is the main product of love. As long as you love what you're doing it makes you happy and it keeps you happy. Love may not always be synonymous with Happiness but most of the time it will be and it should be. You love someone and it makes you happy. Someone loves you and it makes you happy. You love what you do and it makes you happy. You love what you feel and it makes you happy. Don't forget that Happiness is a matter of choice as well. People are happy because they choose to be and want to be happy. Sure that once you’re hurt you are given the right to be sad, depressed, angry, furious, enraged or even feel bitter about it. But it's still a person's choice if he wants to linger, hang around or dwell more in those feelings. Investing more time in these negative feelings and emotions isn’t going to do you any good. It’s like being in a quicksand, the more you stay the more you’ll sink and eventually the harder it will be to get out. I feel so rare after that relationship with him. I can always find another person who will simply take all I can give, but I’m pretty sure it’s hard to find someone like me who’ll give and do everything specially when I’m in love. My vision has grown wider and my understanding of love and life grew deeper. Whether the right one comes along or not, I don’t really know. But one thing is for sure I have clearly learned from my mistake. Ignorance is not an excuse and it never will be. I have decided that I should just stay single, not forever but for the meantime. I still have a lot of priorities in mind and having someone with me isn’t one of them at the moment. I’m not the play around type as well and it doesn’t really suit my personality. That’s it for now. Let’s see how the new chapter of my life starts. 

"When we experience something traumatic we are given a new set of eyes to the old life we have been living. Seeing them in a completely new and different view."

 

CL Stories – Vague and Blurred [Chapter 39]

I haven't written in a while, and yes I mean a long while (My last blog was written May 4). I stopped writing simply because I wanted to put a halt to everything right after the incidents that happened. Take a breather and let myself loose for a while. I needed it so badly that I went as far as deleting my Twitter account and deactivating my Facebook as well. I guess it really made a big difference in my life. I have been hypnotizing myself that it won't, but I guess it can't be helped simply because what I feel is true. Time passed by, nights grew frighteningly colder and myself grew lonelier by the week. We both agreed to stay away from each other for a while. I said yes knowing that between the two of us I would suffer the most. I'm not really good at this moving on shit. Once I come from a breakup I start having doubts on everything and everyone, including myself. When that happens I try and divert myself from the self destructive pattern that usually happens on these cases. I've already tried to kill myself a few times and it didn't really do any good. I still remember those stupid moments when I look at my wrists. Anyway I think I'm in the mood to write again after all that's happened. I still don't know our situation but we do see each other every now and then and well we barely talk about it. We both have different priorities now and we're also busy with a lot of stuff. I guess it's better we keep it this way until we both have enough time to talk to each other. I've been bad enough to get involved (no, not the kind of involvement your thinking...) with other people while some of these feelings still linger in me. I guess I just wanted the attention that I haven't really been getting. I know how bad that seems and most of the people will surely hate me for it.. I will fix it up as soon as possible and I feel like I barely know myself because of it. Yeah, I didn't fall into that self destructive pattern but I turned into something much worse. I will have to go through another series of solitary confinement soon to find my old self. Everything I once knew about myself isn't as clear as before. I unconsciously drowned myself in all these emotions that I barely thought of just to fill that gap, I have lost myself and hurt others in doing it. I will take full responsibility over my actions this time and take any consequences it will come with. This time I wanna start over with a full clean slate. No hang ups. No excess baggage. Just me. Enough with my melodramatic side. I'm about to start work really soon and well, I have my bucket list full and  have about six months to complete them. Mostly are gadgets but I also have to get my driver's license (Yeah it's been long over due and I don't wanna waste one third of my salary to fares and transport services), and I'm planning to get another degree via online schools but I haven't really chosen any course yet. I have a lot of plans and I wanna start turning them into a reality. My relationship with my family is just getting better. Mom and I are getting along just fine and I see my dad every once in a while. My brother is still a little bit spoiled (yeah thanks to my mom! LoL!) but he'll grow up pretty soon I think. I'm excited to start working. New friends, colleagues, new place and environment. I wanted to live independently and here's my chance. I have done it before in my home country so I should be just fine here. Career wise, I have set my mind to building my career on this company. I know I will enjoy working with them since they are an events company and I like being on events. I'm starting as a business support (yeah on operations, so it's gonna be stressful!) and I'm planning to work my way up to being an events manager. We'll see how it goes as time goes by. That's all for now. Till next blog.

"People who can't take responsibility for their actions are to be pitied since they will never learn from their mistakes and are destined to repeat them"