CL Stories – The Road to Horizon [Chapter 38]

So the bitter mortality of humanity struck me yesterday. I guess it was due to the fact that I haven't had a single smoke for two days now. It's nothing new to me though. I have stopped smoking before and I always get cough colds and fever on the first or second day that I haven't smoked. I'm not yet sure if he has seen the set of mails I compiled and sent. I really hope he likes it. I was chatting with him last night and yes, once again for the first time after a few weeks, I felt so much happiness. Not because we we're chatting but because he has started showing his affections again. Words are the most important thing I hold onto in our relationship. I'm glad that I voiced out how I felt about us and that we should do something about it. I have seen how our relationship is progressing and I was able to assess that it wasn't really going in a good path. I'm glad that he's trying his best put up that flame we had back then. I'm trying my best as well. I woke up this morning and read a text message from him. It was sent last night. Once again the first morning smile after a few weeks. It really feels good and makes me happy that even before I get off my bed I'm already smiling because of his sweet words. I mean who wouldn't be right? I was still lying down a couple of minutes more on my bed reading it a couple of times to double check if I wasn't dreaming (Hahaha! yeah who knows? It's a first after a long period of time. I might be hallucinating lol!). My day has just begun and I think I can just go back to bed and fall asleep, since may day is already complete. All things can be talked. I have traveled back to the past and I said to myself that I want to re-live them, bring back those happy days and guess what, I am re-living the past and going down that road to the horizon. It's not the destination I'm really after but the beautiful scenery along the journey. 

"Only we have the capability to turn our dreams to reality."

CL Stories – The Dawn of a New Hope [Chapter 37]

I'm sad that time machine hasn't been invented yet, but that doesn't mean time travel isn't possible. I just went back to the past yesterday and I swear it brought me to the level of blissfulness I had at that time.I can feel the butterflies in my stomach again. It felt funny, exciting and it brings me new hope. Hope at how we will be going through our relationship for the next couple of months. I have been given a bird's eye view of how our relationship transpired. I've actually made a picture of it and hope you like it. Haha! I felt how passionate we we're back then (Oh yes! we we're definitely into each other at that time and we made sure we let each other feel it.). After reading my blogs from the start and browsing through hundreds of e-mail notifications (Damn it there was 12,000 mails in my yahoo account) I was convinced. I want to re-live that past. I want to go back to those days where we both showed our affection to each other in the most simple but fulfilling way. Those simple thoughts and sentiments are the things that kept us going despite of and in spite of all the things that are happening. We do not solely rely on them but they are the ones that kept our faith strong enough to be the foundation for our relationship. I was filled with so much joy and happiness while I was reading through my blog and e-mails. I even came across some funny and awkward moments. I would do everything to go back to that stage of our relationship. I would like to say my apologies for I have also found out that all this time I was talking about you being cold I was growing colder as well. We have our own faults in our relationship and I guess everyone goes through that stage. I'm really sorry If I have been causing you more stress than happiness lately.I'm sorry if I made you feel that I wasn't contented with what we have. I'm sorry if I made you feel that I stopped loving you the way I did before. We have clearly grown too comfortable with each other, and in doing so we have at some point, took each other for granted. By being comfortable we barely convey to one another about how thankful we are and how happy we are that we're together. The magical three words are the only words that we have been saying and we rely on it to mean everything. I will definitely go back to my old personality. Restore what kept us happy and go back to that stage where happiness shines like the bright sun every single morning. I have gained new eyes, sight and view to the life that I have always been living with you. As every single day may end I will look forward for tomorrow that will bring me the Dawn of a new hope. 

"Like light from the heavens, a new day brings about Hope of living a better life"

CL Stories – A Blind Faith [Chapter 36]

Keeping a blind faith can sometimes be more discerning than simply knowing the truth. You fall into a illusion that keeps you sane for a while. You bury the truth and the fear of the unknown with time and it fades along with it. Like all faint memories it will be gone soon enough even before you notice or realize it. It will keep your current situation manageable and understandable. Will it resurface again? As per Sigmund Freud's studies "Unexpressed feelings never die, they come forth later in uglier ways" This may or may not be true. It totally depends upon the person. We are human and we are given the ability and mentality to cope up with current situations. I can express myself better when I'm writing. I can organize my thoughts fairly well and I satisfy my insatiable urge to express those feelings. It is human nature to constantly lack faith, to question, hunger for information and be skeptical about all things existent or not. We strive our best to comprehend and understand all things as if it were a book we can read. Who can blame us? This is a practice we have been doing for the first twenty years of our lives. The world will slowly overload us with information as we grow. Some of it we will understand and some will leave us wondering. Once we encounter things we can't comprehend, the most common fear of humanity sets in, fear of the unknown. Being unable to grasp and know nothing about something is so frightening that it induces paranoia, uncertainty and doubt. Due to the powerful deductive minds of each individual, we are able to materialize multiple sets of questions, possibilities, scenarios as well as think about the cause and effect of the situation. Some will continuously strive to get a better understanding of the situation and others will simply rely on their blind faith. A belief without true understanding, perception or discrimination. It is overcoming one of the ultimate fears of humanity. Overcoming the fear of the Unknown. 

"As Faith helps you surpass tough times, Blind Faith will help you through the worst no matter how feeble or sound your mind maybe"

CL Stories – Moments long Gone [Chapter 35]

Moments Long Gone

I wish you'd express your love

like the way you did before,

like the white pure dove

it always made me soar

Oh how I miss those mornings

that I wake up with a smile,

how you'd tell that's it's me your longing

from the inbox of my mobile

Times have changed and so have we

I'm still wondering why,

You've grown colder but not me

Yet I still see hope for us in the sky

I will always and forever remember

those days of pure bliss and euphoria long gone

It's up to you if you want to bring back altogether

because I really long for those moments long gone

"Satisfaction does not come from seeking a new life, but from having different views on the same life you've always been living" 

CL Stories – Unknown and Unwritten [Chapter 34]

Sitting in one corner of my room, air conditioning and electric fan turned off. Holding a pen and a notebook while staring at the blank page. I look at the clock and it's a two-twenty three in the afternoon. I lie down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. As the silence in the room grew louder by the minute the ceiling started to resemble the page in the notebook which I was grasping. Empty, clean and blank and somehow I want it to resemble my life. Turn over a new page, write on a clean blank slate or maybe I want my life to be digital. Where in I could just simply copy and paste things. Delete the things I don't really like and print things I want to materialize. Life would be so easy. But then again integration of human emotions in this kind of life is still pointless. At some point your sense of judgment becomes unreliable. There will be times in where you'll be in a conflict in which your mind wants you to terminate that variable which keeps the whole equation unbalanced and trust me your human emotions will beg to differ. It will pull you down a lot faster than the earth's natural gravity. As you go down and sink into more conflicts within yourself, hundreds of questions come rushing down. It's like taking an exam where you've spent so much time in one question, trying to figure out the right answer. Realizing that there's just five minutes left in the clock and you still got tons of questions left unanswered. Hopelessness, uncertainty and the worst of all, regret becomes your close friends. Not to mention all the questions which were not answered. Don't worry you have the right. No, not the damn right to make a mistake because your human, but the right to linger a while in your frustration and stupidity. Self-pity and mourn a bit for your loss but it's not really recommended you stay like that for a long time. All people have to move on, you can only look back and learn from the experience. You don't really have the luxury of  having that UNDO button in real life. So stand up and start walking towards the path you have chosen. Life will not wait nor pause for you, you'll be left behind if you linger on that past for too long. Take no day for granted. You never really know what the future holds or what it may bring so both past and future are irrelevant. Set your eyes on the present and make the most out of it... ARF! ARF! (So yeah my dog broke the loud silence that flooded my room) I look at the clock and there it was, reality struck me just like a lightning. All these thoughts that came pouring out of my mind happened so fast. The clock just turned two-twenty four. 

"If your not going to make it happen, no one else will. You are meant to initiate a change in this world and not for the world to change you."