Too sudden have I felt bliss in
your arms, warmth from your touch. That little heart attack you give me when you
smile. I have always been honest to myself. But for the first time I found
myself lying, denying the fact that someone has once again made me feel special
in a short span of time. We spent hours talking to each other not even noticing
how long it has been, simply because we’re enjoying the time we are spending.
Few days have passed and we decided to see each other. Anxiousness awaits us at
the time of our first meeting. I took those steps, walking to the direction
where I’m supposed to meet you. I turn up the volume of the music I was
listening to just to lessen the nervous feeling. The thing in my chest pounds harder
and faster while I approach the corner of the street. It’s as if it was beating
to the tune of the song that was playing in my phone. Suddenly there you we’re
walking straight towards me. I noticed your smile and I don’t even remember if
I smiled back. I was probably on the verge of a panic attack and a lot of
thoughts are circling in my head. I am having trouble organizing them before I
could even spit out a single word. I whispered to myself “Get a grip. It’s just
a first meeting. It’s not even a date so relax” I breathe a low sigh of relief
and hoping he didn't notice it. I was sweating for some reason even though the
weather was great. So I pumped up that courage, said hi and then on with our
conversation while waiting for a cab to pass by. There we’re some “dead air”
moments in the cab due to the fact that we've spoken for quite some time and have
already uncovered a lot of information from each other. That actually makes me
feel good because it makes me feel as if I had already known him for several
years. The level of communication we have is just extraordinary. Which I think
is really a good thing since that’s one trait I lack especially when I like
someone. So we had dinner with a friend and started drinking in my room. A
couple of hours later our friend had to go home and well, he stayed. The famous
line of alcohol drinkers “one thing led to another and so on…” well that very
much sums up what happened the rest of the night… till morning to be honest… I couldn't deny the fact that this is by far one of the happiest moments of 2013
for me. Day before yesterday we decided to see each other again. I invited him
over for dinner. So it happened again without the influence of alcohol this
time. It was bliss-drizzled evening for both of us. Who would have thought that
such thing wouldn't last? As he rode a cab going home, I walked back to the
house. And I was pondering the whole time if we are taking things too fast. I
mean we both agreed to take it slow when we first started talking but as it
seems it’s not even happening. We’re falling into each other’s arms faster than
our feelings would take. I talked to him the next day and well… we seem to have
mutual feelings about it. But I asked him once again to be sure. I asked him
what he is really feeling at those moments. I am having doubts on myself as
well because everything seems too perfect. Everything was falling into place
without any efforts. I suggested taking things a notch down again. Next thing I
know we were arguing like how lovers would over one thing. We unintentionally
blamed each other for something. I said my apologies if I had made him feel
uneasy or if I hurt him. I remember I asked him for a date before but he turned
it down and said that we needed to hang out and get to know each other first.
He suggested treating each other as friends, but that’s not possible from my
side since I already have feelings for him, just not 100% sure yet, that’s why
I wanted to take things slow. I clearly like him that’s for sure. But to admit
that I love him at this stage is just too much. I told him I needed the whole
night so I could think of how to proceed from our situation because it is
clearly making both of us feel uncomfortable. We ended the conversation
agreeing that we wouldn't disturb each other for the night so we could both
think clearly.
"We can neither turn the hands of time to go faster or slower. We can only let it pass at its own pace and make the most out of the time that's slowly slipping away from our grasp."
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