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I am once again living life as
normal as I can after another tragic incident. Well as if I’m not used to this
kind of emotional distress. I am not quite sure if it is a good thing that I’m
getting used to it or is my heart slowly sinking into this cold and bottomless
pit of despair. Call it exaggerating or what but well that is how I feel. The
void left by him is still quite fresh and still flows with anguish. I know I
will soon be okay as long as I continue to keep myself busy. I’m not quite sure
how long it will take for me to be ok. Self-doubts are starting to kick in,
questioning every move that I made whether it was enough or not, every step
that I take whether it was right or wrong. But nonetheless everything is over.
I know in myself I have done what I can. I regret nothing and I will slowly
take my step forward. I will take one slow single step every single day, hoping
that soon enough I will be back on track. This happened twice now and I think I
have finally grasped what I should have learned the first time. I still keep my
ideals intact. Believing that you don’t do anything half hearted. People keep
telling me that you should always leave something for yourself and never give a
hundred percent. I think that is not really necessary when we talk about the
ones we loved, love or will love. Simply because in the end we always ask
ourselves, “have I done all that I could?” and if we never gave a hundred
percent then that’s where regret comes in. I do feel better each time I write
out what is in my mind. This is probably the kind of venting out procedure that
suits me the best since I like being alone especially when I don’t feel good. Well
my English grammar is just so-so and it should suffice for this kind of hobby. Anyway
I’m being drawn away from the topic. I guess I just really needed to let this
out spontaneously. I have been surviving the second day without him and I guess
my assessment is so far so good. I still feel the urge to send him a message
but that would just complicate stuff even more and all my efforts of trying to
get over this feeling would be wasted. I’m will just need to be a little
cautious this time around. I’m not saying that I will let my mind take over my
heart. Maybe just a rest that’s all. Who knows? Maybe the right one is just around
the corner waiting for me? Maybe a stranger that would have the courage to say
hi or hello despite my snobbish aura (which a lot of people say I have it), or
the way I look. There’s really no stopping the heart if it feels a unique
bliss. The heart continuously hungers for happiness. It is the daily supplement
that will keep our emotional needs satisfied. We must first obtain that
happiness from within so that we may share it with other people. Oh well that
is enough for today. I need some more sleep. Another day, another hope, another
chance, another shot in living life happier than today.
“You must find happiness within yourself
before you can be happy in another’s company”
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