Tuesday, September 11, 2012

CL Stories - One Step [Chapter 56]

I am once again living life as normal as I can after another tragic incident. Well as if I’m not used to this kind of emotional distress. I am not quite sure if it is a good thing that I’m getting used to it or is my heart slowly sinking into this cold and bottomless pit of despair. Call it exaggerating or what but well that is how I feel. The void left by him is still quite fresh and still flows with anguish. I know I will soon be okay as long as I continue to keep myself busy. I’m not quite sure how long it will take for me to be ok. Self-doubts are starting to kick in, questioning every move that I made whether it was enough or not, every step that I take whether it was right or wrong. But nonetheless everything is over. I know in myself I have done what I can. I regret nothing and I will slowly take my step forward. I will take one slow single step every single day, hoping that soon enough I will be back on track. This happened twice now and I think I have finally grasped what I should have learned the first time. I still keep my ideals intact. Believing that you don’t do anything half hearted. People keep telling me that you should always leave something for yourself and never give a hundred percent. I think that is not really necessary when we talk about the ones we loved, love or will love. Simply because in the end we always ask ourselves, “have I done all that I could?” and if we never gave a hundred percent then that’s where regret comes in. I do feel better each time I write out what is in my mind. This is probably the kind of venting out procedure that suits me the best since I like being alone especially when I don’t feel good. Well my English grammar is just so-so and it should suffice for this kind of hobby. Anyway I’m being drawn away from the topic. I guess I just really needed to let this out spontaneously. I have been surviving the second day without him and I guess my assessment is so far so good. I still feel the urge to send him a message but that would just complicate stuff even more and all my efforts of trying to get over this feeling would be wasted. I’m will just need to be a little cautious this time around. I’m not saying that I will let my mind take over my heart. Maybe just a rest that’s all. Who knows? Maybe the right one is just around the corner waiting for me? Maybe a stranger that would have the courage to say hi or hello despite my snobbish aura (which a lot of people say I have it), or the way I look. There’s really no stopping the heart if it feels a unique bliss. The heart continuously hungers for happiness. It is the daily supplement that will keep our emotional needs satisfied. We must first obtain that happiness from within so that we may share it with other people. Oh well that is enough for today. I need some more sleep. Another day, another hope, another chance, another shot in living life happier than today.


“You must find happiness within yourself before you can be happy in another’s company”

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