CL Stories - Unfathomable Rapture [Chapter 58]

So there it was… The mere sight of you in public gave me hummingbird heartbeats. I could certainly feel butterflies in my stomach. Though we’ve known each other for some time now, I feel like everything is back to the first few months. I certainly was not ready to see you in public. I kept my stare at you for as long as I can. Carefully watching you from the rest of the people, slowly realizing I am seeing you with the same set of eyes but certainly at a different point of view. My heart continue to beat faster, a colleague of mine couldn’t help but notice the smile that you made me wore at that moment. As more friends come by and sat with us I gave myself a break from the chained stare I was giving you. I had to fight my urges. Urges to hug you and kiss you. So I settled for the smile you gave me. More people came to the coffee shop and not too long the place is now filled with so much people. I know that eavesdropping is rude. I couldn’t help but wonder what you guys were talking about. The crowd’s noise slowly drowned out the conversations on each table. I find myself once again starting at you for no reason at all. As I stare longer the crowd’s sound started to fade. I could hear your laughter which made me smirk. You… you… you… Nothing else is on my mind at that moment. The joy is starting to be a little unbearable. Suddenly you caught me staring at you. I cringe on my seat. My heart now beating twice as fast and I was starting to sweat a bit even though the weather was fine. I need to find a quick way to deviate myself from you so I engage in a conversation with my friends. I have once tried to convince myself that I am not madly in love with you and totally failed it. I can’t lie to myself. Not when this is how I feel when I’m around you. My vocabulary is not that extensive but I am a little confident that it is above average, I wanted to describe the way I feel for you but words are just not enough. I guess sometimes saying less can convey so much more. There’s no stopping a heart filled with so much emotions. It’s quite odd that even when I’m not looking at you anymore it’s still you I kept on thinking about. The conversation with my friends didn’t even help in toning down my heartbeat. The moment that I somewhat feared the most has arrived. Eye to eye contact between you and me. Locked in each other’s stare for a brief moment, it made me squirm. Seeing you like this is more than just addicting. It is slowly becoming a sweet obsession. I hunger for more. But as they said too much of something is also bad. So I said to myself that it is enough for today. I’m quite sure I’ll be seeing you around more often than not. It’s already late and I need to go home since I still have work the next morning. So I am going home tonight with an unfathomable rapture in my heart and soul.

“Do not ever disregard what you feel. Because what you feel is essential to what you can become”

CL Stories - Euphoria [Chapter 57]

“Happiness is a choice” I think I’ve heard this line more than I should. Who wouldn’t choose to be happy? Everyone wants to feel that radiant inner light which makes the weight of the world lighter. Some may call it a feeling that forces a smile upon our face. It could also be a beacon that symbolizes contentment in one’s life. An ice cream in a hot weather, a warm cup of coffee during winter, a hug from an old friend, a gift from the family, first paycheck, passing exams, twelve hours of sleep, sumptuous meal, a cup of rum on the rocks with your old man, a message or call, the company of friends or time with your special someone. I could go all night and the list would simply never end. Little do we know that all these things in our list we sometimes take for granted. We have a lot of options to make ourselves feel happy. There may be one reason to feel sad, angry or even hate but it will never tantamount to the number of reason why we should be happy and thankful. Happiness also comes in when we learn to forgive other people as well as ourselves. The key is letting go of all the negative feelings. It is indeed inevitable that unfortunate things happen, but do not linger on it. The more positive outlook you have in life, the happier you’ll be. Stay with people who keep a smile on their lips. Enjoy their company and laugh with them. Do what you love till your heart is about to burst from so much joy. We only live once and it is not wise to waste time on all those that wouldn’t do you any good. Take time to relax and appreciate what’s around you. There will always be something you can smile about every single day. When you are about to lie down preparing for sleep, think and be thankful. Think of all the things that could have gone wrong but didn’t. Even if it does go wrong, keep in mind that it is just a bad day and not a bad life. So breathe, move on, choose to be happy and keep smiling.

“Happiness is not bound by who you are, what you do, who you're with or whom your heart desires. It is bound by nothing and thrives in the endless possibilities of being able to live a good life.”

CL Stories - One Step [Chapter 56]

I am once again living life as normal as I can after another tragic incident. Well as if I’m not used to this kind of emotional distress. I am not quite sure if it is a good thing that I’m getting used to it or is my heart slowly sinking into this cold and bottomless pit of despair. Call it exaggerating or what but well that is how I feel. The void left by him is still quite fresh and still flows with anguish. I know I will soon be okay as long as I continue to keep myself busy. I’m not quite sure how long it will take for me to be ok. Self-doubts are starting to kick in, questioning every move that I made whether it was enough or not, every step that I take whether it was right or wrong. But nonetheless everything is over. I know in myself I have done what I can. I regret nothing and I will slowly take my step forward. I will take one slow single step every single day, hoping that soon enough I will be back on track. This happened twice now and I think I have finally grasped what I should have learned the first time. I still keep my ideals intact. Believing that you don’t do anything half hearted. People keep telling me that you should always leave something for yourself and never give a hundred percent. I think that is not really necessary when we talk about the ones we loved, love or will love. Simply because in the end we always ask ourselves, “have I done all that I could?” and if we never gave a hundred percent then that’s where regret comes in. I do feel better each time I write out what is in my mind. This is probably the kind of venting out procedure that suits me the best since I like being alone especially when I don’t feel good. Well my English grammar is just so-so and it should suffice for this kind of hobby. Anyway I’m being drawn away from the topic. I guess I just really needed to let this out spontaneously. I have been surviving the second day without him and I guess my assessment is so far so good. I still feel the urge to send him a message but that would just complicate stuff even more and all my efforts of trying to get over this feeling would be wasted. I’m will just need to be a little cautious this time around. I’m not saying that I will let my mind take over my heart. Maybe just a rest that’s all. Who knows? Maybe the right one is just around the corner waiting for me? Maybe a stranger that would have the courage to say hi or hello despite my snobbish aura (which a lot of people say I have it), or the way I look. There’s really no stopping the heart if it feels a unique bliss. The heart continuously hungers for happiness. It is the daily supplement that will keep our emotional needs satisfied. We must first obtain that happiness from within so that we may share it with other people. Oh well that is enough for today. I need some more sleep. Another day, another hope, another chance, another shot in living life happier than today.

“You must find happiness within yourself before you can be happy in another’s company”

CL Stories - Hopes [Chapter 55]

As we go on through the journey in life we experience different situations which will make us do things we don’t know we can. Things happen and for every laughter or tears we shed we are to learn a lesson. The failure to grasp that lesson may lead to facing that same trial or difficulty. We are only able to get pass them if we let it affect our lives in a good way. Like they always say the only things we regret are the ones we did not do or even failed to try. Living on through life without knowing what could have been, that is probably one fear I will have for the rest of my days here on earth. We humans are naturally hopeful, to see the good in each individual is a gift given to every person. We are to harness its potential and make it beneficial not only to ourselves but to those around us. We will feel pain whether we like it or not, but it is up to us how we will let that pain affect us. It is up to us how we will deal with all the hurt incurred by incidents and situations. We have twenty four hours each day, and as each hour passes we get closer to understanding the true meaning of life and living it as we should. There is a lesson and value to be learned through each pain and suffering we endure. We set our eyes upon the horizon and as the day ends so should our grudges and hate go down with the sun. We wake up the next morning and fill our dawn with hope and positivity that it will be a new day and that we have a chance to grasp the lesson from yesterday’s events. Learning is a never ending journey. It will never cease till the last breath is out of our body. It is a choice we make for each and every action we take. Recalling our memories that have passed may or may not be good but it will give insights and clear our view on what lies ahead. It will be the winds that will blow away the clouds on a dim and dark day. As we understand why things like that happen and learn the lessons that we are suppose to, we are enlightened. Just like the cool breeze of the wind during a warm weather. Soothing, relaxing and easing our minds from the countless doubts that we had therefore keeping our faith and hopes strong.

“Life is too short to spend time for hate, sadness and pain... Even if that comes along with life it doesn't mean we should dwell in it... Life is good if you open your eyes to the true meaning of it...”

CL Stories – Glass Heart [Chapter 54]

“Have you ever had your heart broken?” No? Then maybe my question should be, “Have you ever broken someone’s heart?” As we course through life we will definitely experience both. We might know it or not but eventually we will break someone’s heart and ours will be broken by someone. How tragic does it get when your heart breaks? How hard or easy can it be to break someone’s heart. Hearts are like Cinderella’s crystal pumps, if it is mishandled it could shatter into pieces that could be unrecognizable to the naked eye. As I’ve said from one blog I made last year, “Heart is the core of human feeling and emotions.” so just think if this gets broken. It’s going to be hard to sustain normal emotions and feelings without a proper core (heart) to hold it together. You’ll be in a situation where one person is just so madly in love with you and yet the feeling isn’t really mutual. Theirs is no easy way to break somebody’s heart but instead of giving the pain bit by bit, give it all in one fatal blow. There are a lot of ways and one is REJECTION, yes it already fucking hurts that your object of affection doesn’t really feel the same way but it’s another thing to let you know that he or she is totally not interested. There could be various reasons why they might not be interested. If they have told you the reasons then that’s good, if not then it’s none of your business. If you are the one giving the rejection make sure to be subtle and find ways to deliver it in a manner that won’t hurt as much if you we’re to say it bluntly. You’re about to shatter a heart that’s already broken so be considerate yet firm and consistent in your decisions. Never do things that give false hope for it doesn’t ease the pain but rather just prolongs it. If you are being rejected, know that each and every person has a right to do so, given the reasons they have. As long as you have done what you can and what you could then there’s nothing to regret. You can’t force someone to feel the same way you do. “You plant love and you let it grow, if it never grew in their hearts, be glad that it grew in yours.” But whatever situation we may be in, we must all realize that hearts are fragile and that everyone who takes this path will have to endure the pain it may bring and risk their heart getting broken. It may or may not grant us eternal happiness and joy, no one can assure that we will achieve it, but nevertheless it will always be worth it because we will be a step closer to another meaningful realization.

“Happiness is not something you pursue within the life you live but rather something you pursue within yourself and the character you become towards achieving it.”